the notebook

who ever said "love story" is the greatest love movie ever made is wrong. not even "jeux d`enfants" counts. the most incredible love story ever pictured is "the notebook". i can truly say that`s the kind of love i`m looking for. my friend said it does not exist in reality, but i believe it does. my soulmate has to believe too.  i want to have that kind of love in my life. maybe not now, but i don`t want to die not knowing how it feels. those of you who`ve seen the movie, tell me i`m wrong. rest of you, please don`t die before watching it.

 ["The most beautiful description of boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl, then loses her again. It's how every person wants to be loved one day." Nickie , Resident Scholar ]

probably my longest post [definetely my longest post]

R: provocare

R: hai sa vb numai in citate din filme

C: hai sa nu

R: I beg your indulgence, Anthony

R: And life is for the alive, my dear / So let's keep living it.

C: This is how u do it in my neightborhood, b****h"

C: The years, no doubt, have changed me, sir

R: Sir, it's too good, at least.

C: I am your father, Luke"

C: Oh my god, I'm pregnant

R: I have you now!

R: I wonder if he's related to Ben.

R: We have an emergency alert in detention block AA-23.

R: Surely he must be dead by now.

C: false alarm.

R: Go back to your playpen, Baby.

C: A martini, 3 of vodka, ice shaken not stiirred

R: I won't tell your mother about this.

C: Don't lie to me Julia

R: Now, you'll hurt me if you don't trust me, all right?

C: Trust me....it's all i'm asking from you.

R: Johnny, what are you doing?

C: So, uh, what are we saying here? If we save LA from a nuclear bomb, then you and I can get together for dinner and a movie?

R: Oh, yes, as a matter of fact it is.

C: Would you like a muffin?

R: What do you mean, and fight the bossman?

C:You'll have to kill him, no mistakes

R: Sure Neil. No problem. We'll end the season with the pachenga.

C: Don't ever use the butt of pistol as a weapon!

R: I'll give you anything you ask.

R: Let them suffer then. As she suffers. How much shall I pay you?

C: Thank ya, honey.

R: I ask you for justice

C: Three dollars and sixty-eight cents.

R: Let me think about it. We'll see.

R: What's the matter? What's bothering you? I'll handle it. I told you I can handle it, I'll handle it.

C: This isn't some cheap video prop

R: Please don't do this to me, Mike. Please don't.

C: Merry Christmas, you filfhy animal

R: Go on. Get out of my sight.

R: Why come to me? What have I done to deserve such generousity?

C: Being red with pointy ears doesn't make me a devil, being a bastard does!

R: I said that I would see you because I had heard that you were a serious man.

C: Only if your idea of bliss is to forget everything about yourself: your favorite color! your lover!

R: First of all, you're all done.

R: Mike, you're wrong.

C: What does that mean?

R: Things could get rough with the move we're making.

C: What do you mean you liberated a lobster?

R: But there are reasons why you must have nothing to do with what's going to happen.

R: In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns.

C: Please listen to me, we don't have to fight. You have the power to end it here and stop what you are doing.

C: Monsieur Bert, I understand that she has had some dealings with the mafia.

R: Now you listen to me, you smooth-talking son-of-a-bitch. Let me lay it on the line for you and your boss, whoever he is

C: The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars

R: Let's listen to the song

R: That's a true story.

C: he blombleebleh to the bleebleebluhhh. It's lies isnt it? Thats all lies!

R: No, no, no, not this time

C: You know what they say. Lies are just friends you haven't met.

R: You're taking this very personal.

R: And they might like a story like that.

C: I make the fabulous... I make the crap into credible. I make the dull into..

R: Two terms. One in Italy and one here.

C: Wouldn't you rather just fuck me and never know?

C: You'll be a fugitive. You'll be exhalt from Venice for the rest of your life.

R: Goddamn it Phil, I said take him in!

R: I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can be careless. But not men.

R: What's the matter with you. Is this how you turned out?

C: I'm not dead. If I were dead I wouldn't be able to look you in the eye and tell you, you are screwing up again.

R: I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

C: Jail cell design hasn't changed much in centuries, has it?

R:You want me to hang around?

C: Maybe you should go home

R: Bonasera... Bonasera.

R: Are you a pro?

C: Ciao, Dad.

C: Is your pussy taking all the risk?

R: Were you ever engaged in any sadomasochistic activity?

C: She's your pimp, baby, and she will mess you up if you play her

R: Killing isn't like smoking. You can stop.

R: You like playing games don't you?

C: The good part is - no more blood. The bad part is - no more sleep.

R: I'd have to be pretty stupid to write a book about killing and then kill him the way I described in my book. I'd be announcing myself as the killer. I'm not stupid

R:Everyone that she plays with dies.

C: Stupid! All of ya! Plain stupid!

C: Would you like it if others laughed at YOUR misfortune, hmm? Maybe we should find out!

R: Oh, why don't you get one of those friendly therapists and work out all that hostility.

R: This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

R: Only after disaster can we be resurrected.

C: Do you have a light?

R: look at me... or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn.

R: I's not my problem.

R: Sit.

C: Piss off, little witches.

R: It's getting exciting now

C: They can do what they like with them.

R: Three pitchers of beer, and you still can't ask.

R: I felt like destroying something beautiful.

C: I've been offered candy bars and nylons

C: Cotton candy?

R: The things you own end up owning you.

C: Cotton candy?

R: Surprise me.

R: I'd fight Gandhi.

C: Some people just want to see the world burn.

R: How's that working out for you?

R: here are things about you that I like. You're smart, you're funny, you're... spectacular in bed... But you're intolerable! You have very serious emotional problems. Deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help.

C: 'll put it over here, in case you change your mind.

R: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

C: Then you are a little mad..

C: Of course I'm mad you shot me in the ass! and I'll never forgive you okay? There.

R: You're not getting this back. I consider it asshole tax.

C: No! I hate you, Thomas Jefferson! I don't know who I am anymore! You can't be my father!

R: I am Jack's raging bile duct.

C: It sounds like a bladder infection.

R: It's a comforter..

C: You'll have to come back, if you want to tell him what you want for Christmas.

R: Right

C: Did it ever occur to you that I don't want to stop?

R: I am enlightened.

C: That's short for bullshit.

R: Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision: you find this, what would you do?

C: We told them that if the Queen was having a party, that Nursie always goes as a cow. From that moment, he was doomed. All we had to do was escape, return, and kill the cow.

R: Huh?

C: Well there must be a logical explanation about those stories.

R: know it seems like I have more than one side sometimes...

R: Deja vu - all over again.

R: 'll bring us through this. As always

C: You are a beyoodiful lyedee, but what a cow.

R: Do not... fuck with us.

C: I don't give a damn.

R: Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films.

C: This is not one of your stupid action movies, Tony.

R: What? Do you mean did I think we were just having sex or making love?

R: You said you would definitely say that.

R: We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need

C: Hey, all women shit, women are full of shit.

R: I wish I could return the favor.

R: You wanna see pain? Swing by First Methodist Tuesday nights. See the guys with testicular cancer. That's pain.

C: Oh, come on, how dumb do you think I am?

C: No pain, no gain

R: Like so many others, I had become a slave to the Ikea nesting instinct.

R: What are you talking about?

C: You just won 365 more days in your Ikea-furnished closet.

C: Nah, that thing's too heavy to..

R: shoot you too. You're life's finished anyway.

C: Excuse me guys, I can feel a second coming.

R: What? You givin' me an ultimatim?

C: You're either dead or you're not dead.

R: Oh don't get cute now.

C: Hey, Frank, wake up! You're not allowed to sleep through the topical meeting.

R: Women! What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a fuckin' genius.

C: Hey boss, don't you have some kind of weird thing about women and sawdust?

R: I'm givin' ya pearls here.

C: You're tired. I should let you sleep.'

R: Then do it. You wanna do it? Do it. Let's go

R: So give up. You wanna give up? Give up 'cause I'm giving giving up too.

C: I like working with you, Chase; you're a nice kid.

C: Well, I can't take it anymore. I quit!

R: C'mon you miserable blind motherfucker let's do it.

C: The situation could get out of control, me leaving and all.

R: When in doubt... fuck.

C: Sir, I'm gonna say this as politely as possible: I will fuck you up.

R: It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you.

C: ou know Booth, uh, is a really good guy.

R: Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

C: Apparently it's the most miserable, depressing place you've ever seen in your life.

C: You've reached the end, Wesley.

R: We didn't see anything!

C: This time you've reached the end of your rope.

R: We could...

C: Cause I'm dying, dumbass.

R: You wanna make a federal case of it?

C: No, let's leave them wanting more!

C: The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.

R: When I was a kid, Joe, I used to have a dream

C: Maybe you'll freak out about it in a few days.

R: It's me, Sugar!

R: But I might spill some.

R: This may even turn out to be better

C: Your turn to go, pro, give me your best shot.

R: Even the most miserable life is better than a sheltered existence in an organized society where everything is calculated and perfected.

R: We're missing something.

C: Excuse me, is this the secret hideout of the Gestapo?

R: That's not necessarily bad news.

C: Whanna' come back to what it was?

R: Is there any risk of brain damage?

C: I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this.

R: It's been suggested.

C: No, I don't think so. But your dad is going to try to find her a home.

R: I don't know. I felt like a scared little kid. I was like... it was - it was above my head. I don't know.

C: We'll do whatever we can to make it easier for him, I promise.

C: I promise, I'll make this up to you. And you look... amazing.

R: Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can.

R: By morning, you'll be gone.

C: I'm doing my BEST! What do you want? Prozzie jokes?

R (12/22/2008 01:23:35): Please let me keep this memory, just this one.

i was thinking of posting a statement on my blog for 12 hours and see if the person it reffers to will see it. but i think i am too scared to do that yet. 

 Christmas is coming so i bought this little thingie to put in my tree. of course, it`ll stay on my desk, but i think it`s fabulous: Christmas and coffee in the same entity. soooo fucking fabulous!!!!

sugar plumhouse 

the heart

I have read on Paulo`s blog what he thinks about the heart and also some comments to his post. the most impressive one was a quote -it doesn`t say whom it belongs- that goes like this: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye". 

I think this in an outrageous saying, it shouts love with every letter. why everytime we have to take a big decision in our lovelife and we choose something wrong we blame ourselves for using our heart instead of our brains? why must all good choises come from our brain? i believe life is trying us out and that`s why we are so often put in this kind of situations. and if so, is fate the one that guides through our choices? or do we really choose with our heart/brains? things have gone this way because nowadays we cannot afford to do anything wrong, people aren`t that understanding anymore. so we live with the fear of failing and that`s why we always have second thoughts. 

i would really like to find out the recipe to happiness, true love and unregrettable actions. maybe that way i`ll understand better what`s going out in this world that we`re living. until then, so help me god. 

pre 2009 post

30 days until new year. this can mean two things: we have little time to do whatever we said we`ll do this year, or enaugh time to endure, before we can make new changes in our lives. i have plenty of things to do, but also can`t wait this year to be over so that i can make new plans, and follow new dreams. another new year without a date. why does it mean so much if you kiss someone at that particular moment? cuz right now, i don`t really know. it is said that you will stick together with that person that year, but even i believe that is bullshit. maybe the effect of mistletoe is different. that helped me keep somethig, but not a relationship. and i am trying to define that 'something' for a couple of years now. i wonder what `ill do next year. will i bungee jump, will i get a 10 in maths, will i fall in love? or these are just unattainable things? for instance, this year i said i`ll go and meet Xiko, but i didn`t do that, and i don`t have enaugh time to do that now. i also said i`ll go to italy for my lover. that also didn`t happen. and i am happy because of that, this way i can stick to my beautiful memories. i said i wanted to fly and thank god i`ve flyed eight times this year. i also said i`ll read shakespeare and that i`ll be happy, i said i wanted to be an amazing volunteer for save the children and look how all these turned out. i also found myself a dance partner. i am tremendously grateful for all these things that i manadged to accomplish. there is only one thing that`s still racking my brain: the 11th task on my list was "to love" [and i was referring to truly, unselfish, faithful love]. well, that didn`t turned out ok also [see thursday, october 23 ] and i wonder: do i still have enaugh time? or what`s already done is forever?

wishlist

I`m not really sure about how to make this post a separate item on my blog, but I`ll do it soon. Until then I want to make this post so I won`t forget anything. (some are for Christmas, some are for my birthday, some are for me to buy in time). Check it out.

1. Dublin (C. and me)

2. that necklace from Tiffany`s

3. ipod earphones

4. nina simone

5. Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec postcards

6. shoes (sneakers and manolo`s)

7. the notebook

8. bag

9. venetian mask

 10. travel mug

 11. bambi

12. map of the world

diary entry

Today I woke up with my mum’s voice whispering “you should probably get out of bed, it's 6:20”, as in 4 hours and 20 minutes late. I was supposed to study before daylight. I panicked, I cursed, I tried to make the morning go away, but then I asked for coffee and hit for the bathroom. The water in the shower was barely warm; I couldn't find anything nice to wear, no time for breakfast, no time for make up. I called my friend, we met up and literally ran to school.       

First class, not so relevant; the second one pretty interesting. I was supposed to take my final in physics today, but she decided to ruin my perfectly thought plans. We all had a test paper and messed up. Then she told me to go to 11^th C and take my final with them. I agreed, but ended taking my biology test that time. No one was pleased, not even me.

Penultimate class, physics again, but no final. She had nothing prepared for me. I got really pissed off and I yelled that I’ll change my major I went back to my place. After a couple of minutes, she approached and in a very ungraceful manner, handed me a paper and told me “go to the first desk, will you?”. I was furious, but still, I said nothing. I won't have very good results in this one, but I’ll definitely complain to my headmaster about her, especially after she tried another malicious move. Too bad for her, she had no clue who she was dealing with.

To end this whole school stuff, I got home and got to thinking about Christmas holidays. I love Christmas. The whole Santa Claus concept, the gifts, the cards, the candy and the cinnamon smell, everything.

[to be continued later this night] 

What is happiness?

I do realize I'm neither the first nor the last person to ask this question. People all over the world have answered  it so many times in so many different ways and will continue doing that until the end of being.

I personally know what happiness is, I've lived it a couple of times, but I can't put it in words for you to understand. I think the definition of happiness varies from one person to another. I've done my homework about happiness and I've heard people defining it from “comfortable shoes” to “a clean MRI on a brain scan”.

I guess, I measure mine in precious, unique, never to come back moments. I like the saying “Carpe Diam” and every time I get the chance to do that I feel amazing. Again, I could say that, from my own point of view, happiness is the most amazing feeling anyone can get in a lifetime. What I mean is that every other feeling that you consider important might be included in the large term of ‘happiness’.

Of course, love is the other very powerful feeling that we more than once get during our living. And nothing compares to love, but again, you can love and be miserable. So, I need to make a correction in my statement: happiness is the most amazing feeling anyone can get in a lifetime, only if it’s followed by love.

I also heard about this American psychologist, Martin Seligman, which found an equation for happiness. He said it equaled the sum of genetics, circumstances and voluntary control. It may be so, it may be not. I don't really think there’s an equation or logical reason for everything. Some things are just meant to be. And if for someone there are all the small things that make them happy, then be it. You can't expect happiness just from the greatest happenings. That's the main wrong idea that the world has.

 I myself feel happy when I listen to the music I love, when I travel around the world, when I'm with people that I care for, when I drink coffee.

Tag

1.If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?

If I loved him, I would be heartbroken, but i would live. If I loved him enough I would probably forgive him, but I couldn`t possibly share anything with him. If I wouldn`t love him, i wouldn`t care. I would just dump him. But then why would I be in a relationship with someone I didn`t love?

2. If you have a dream you’d like to come true, what is it?

Work at the UN. 

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?

Toader`s.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

I would travel all over the world.

5. Will your best friend always be your best friend?

Always have, always will.

6. Have you ever been in love with 2 people at once?

Nope.

7. How long would you wait for someone you really loved?

All my life, if I knew he would love me back a billion times than I do. 

8. If you won the lottery, would you quit the job?

Not really, but I would get a job where I can do what I really like. Maybe I would become a writer.

9. Who is on your celebrity top 5 … you know, the ones … that if you ever had an opportunity …

Umm.. Hugh Grant, Pierce Brosnan (if he was younger), Mick Jagger (anytime, anyplace), Paul Walker and Ryan Gossling.

10. What sucks the life out of you?

Besides Toader...umm..Toader in his bad days...

Well...maybe failing in something..

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?

Married with 12 kids...not really..i don`t really know, somewhere abroad..studying or working in Geneve.

12. What is your greatest fear?

Spiders...and having a child with malformations

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

Well, she`s my best friend so I could think of a million things to say about her, but I think I`ll stick to deep down, she`s a good girl..

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?

I think married but poor, but that only if I was happy...it`s not worh living if you`re single, not even if you`re rolling in money

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

Brush my teeth and pour some coffee in my mug for later. 

16. Would you give all in a relationship?

I definetely would, IF I loved my mate.

17. Is your career vitally important to you?

Of course, it represents my entire future.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing someone has done? 

It depends on what that thing was, and on who that person was. 

19. Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?

It`s nothing prefferable here, everything is questionable.

20. I`m sending this to Fifi, Laura. 

feelin like crap. i blew it.

i am so fucked up. it`s like i can never be happy. why can`t i fall in love? why for God`s sake? it`s not like i can find a perfect guy every day. but i have to be soooo fucked up!! i hate X for making me love him so much. he was the one i ever loved and i would`ve given my alll to him. but he was a fool. and now i am the fool because i can`t fall in love. i wish i could. but this is the thing with love. it never comes after a while. either it`s there, either it`s not. i could say right now, that i wish i hadn`t met X, but the thing is...he helped me grow up. he helped me become who i am now. but he also made me do awful things. today i broke a heart and a half. and it wasn`t because of him. i can`t blame him. he represents my distant past. it`s because i`m so fucked up. i thought that i would feel better after i ended that. better as in not so guilty anymore. but i don`t. a piece of my heart broke today at noon. i gave it away. i hope for safe keeping. but the thing is, this time i have no way back. i can`t keep playing with feelings. i can`t mess around with people. i`m so fucked up. man, i would`ve been so happy. i just...i don`t have words to express what i feel now. this will hunt me a while. and it`s all my fault. so i blame me. cuz i`m so fucked up.

i never thought i would do such a thing. i don`t think i can do this after all.

cheating

how can cheating be so hurtful? how is it that when your beloved one cheats on you you feel so empty and betrayed? what is love turning all of us into?  the act of cheating reffers mostly to having sex with someone other than your lover. but sometimes, it is also an expression for gealousy. you don`t really reffer to sex, but you think of another person for your lover. someone that could make him happy. maybe happier than you could make him. you kind of panic. and that is the proof that feeling scared usually makes you do stupid and irrational thing. so i`m thinking: is gealosy the reason for the other one to feel safe cheating? how do you feel when your lover sais he`s working late and you know he`s not, when he pretends to be in a place and he`s not? and you know that because you`ve been there. the moment you walk out that place where he was supposed to be, you keep asking yourself so many questions, you can`t even follow them in your head. everything is suddently so scary. and you can`t call your lover to come hold you, you try to smile but you are faking. you never thought he was the cheating type. but you can never know. i always said a man cheats if his woman couldn`t make him desire only her. but sometimes, women do make mistakes. they tend to freak out once in a while. at least that`s what i do. but i want to fix this, because i am not the only one in this position and i want to be able to write about not having any worries in the world. i want to think of cheating as something people do when not in love. and therefore, it couldn`t be called cheating. it`s not like i`ve been always faithfull, but not when i was in love. if you really love somone, you are not able to cheat. believe me, i`ve tried. i`ve tried to cheat so many times, and i couldn`t. i couldn`t even when i should have. [i can`t get a conclusion from this post]

PS: I love you...

I love to love. It`s such an amazing feeling to love something or someone no matter what. To know for sure  they will always be available for you.  It gives you a safety feeling and makes you want to stay close all the time.   I wish i could say this plain and simple but i can`t. Because love isn`t simple.  Actually, most of the times, it`s very complicated. So you can`t really say if love is a pleasant or an unpleasant feeling. Everyone gets hurt. It`s just a matter of time. And you usually get hurt because someone couldn`t love you. Someone couldn`t commit to what you wanted and give you their all. But what if you are that someone? What if you`re the one that can`t fall in love? What if you loved someone that much that you tend to compare everyone else with that person? Always have, always will. You don`t want to be the bad guy, you just want to be happy and live, love, laugh. But let`s face it. Love is never ever ever simple. And saying "i love you" always majes it harder. Because saying this feels awkward for the other one especially if you`re in an early stage in your relationship. You can`t say "i love you" just to make the other one feel good. You have to really mean it. And when I say "to love someone" i mean to give your all to that person. To feel like you live from the air they breathe, to choke when they hold breath and to be born again when you look them in the eyes. So basically, if you are the one saying it, you must mean it, that if you know what love really is. If you are the one receiving it, that can mean two things. One: you have never thought of this before and now you realise you don`t know why you haven`t said it first; or two: you are very well aware you haven`t said it yet and you have a good reason for that. Maybe you don`t love that someone. But maybe you do. Maybe you just don`t know what you feel and all that pressuring with "i love you" all the time isn`t helping. What i mean is that you can say "i love you" very easily, but the most difficult part is when you really mean it. And most of the times, the speach goes like this: "i love you", "i love you too". So, if you don`t feel like saying that yet you can`t really say "thanks" or "i`m charmed". The receiver always has the thougher part. That`s why you should be the one to say it first. 

älskar dig

the "dast" curse

this is one of my most miserable days, one of those days when nothing, but nothing at all goes the way you want it. i`m losing my minds. i need something, but i don`t know what. precisely 9 days ago i got scared i couldn`t do it, i couldn`t fall in love. that was my biggest fear since "dast". but even though it took me a while, i now know that i can stop fearing that. i feel like sharing something with someone. and i think i`ve found my someone. now i really want to see what that something is. the only question is: will i always have the "dast" curse in my heart?

*just for the record: it was that day*

now, someone told me once that there is no such a thing as a good day. there are only bad days with some good events. i thought the contrary. i thought there were only good days with bad happenings, but maybe he was true. today i woke up to go to school, but i was too sick to do that. so i stayed home. for breakfast i had some calcium, and two cigarettes. later on i had some coffee and some more medicines and then i took a nap. what a day. when i woke up i was feeling way much better so i took a walk with my dog and then i went to meet my dance partener. we had some (more) coffee, had a few smokes and then...practice. i almost fainted because i was still sick and he was very exhausted. the place we`re dancing right now is a very filthy, small and poky room somewhere at the basement of a school. then i realised. every single moment is unique. is not like i`m ever gonna experience that again, or i`m gonna feel that sick in that room. i realised i miss my lover. i realised that i`m happy. so we payed for 5 lessons for the weekend. i love what i`m living right now.

hoy es adios

i love santana. this song of his says something like ''Hoy es adios, Mańana quizás, Sé que tu vas a volver'' which means today is bye bye, tomorrow perhaps...i know you will come back to me''. and maybe perhaps...

i was just speaking to a friend of mine and she showed me her status on messenger...it was kind of a joke in it, but it was about loving someone that much that it might become against the law. so, the first thing that got through my mind that time was this: "i wanna be the air you breathe when you choke" and i put it as my status. that`s because me and some pals, we had this conversation over in brusells about chocking (yeah, i know) and i figured how important must be that breath when you have to save your life. i had my breathe to give away, but there was no one to choke i could have given it back then. maybe i will use this sometime in the future. until then i want to write about some other important things that come through my mind right now. like college. i want to get into college somewhere abroad. my dream college is princeton, and i am starting studying this saturday. i hope for the best. my other choice is the university of amsterdam.
now, except for college, lovelife and and other crap, i wanna do a fundraising for the people in africa. but, i don`t want something at my school or in a local group. i want something big. something that could really make a change. and i don`t really have an amazing plan right now, but i will make one. another thing i want to do is a tour of my city. i want to visit it like i was a touris here and i want to take pictures of small things that i think could define my city and i will post them on facebook. so basically, for now, i only have dreams and desires. nothing concrete.

post mai vechi, de pe un alt site

a fact Sep 13, 2007 1:02 AM

Iubirea este o maligna a creierului. Cu care traiesti sub presiune, dar fara de care esti tampit. Simplu. Trebuie sa iubesti ca sa poti respira. Respiri ca sa iti oxigenezi trupul. Iti oxigenezi trupul ca sa nu mori. Nu mori pentru ca te iubesti pe tine. Si asta e dragoste neconditionata. Asadar, iubesti pentru tine. Iubesti pentru a-ti salva viata.

desire

it`s the same always undecided me, the girl that only wants what she can`t get and if she gets something she might have wanted, she`s suddenly not interested anymore. 

yesterday i had something new in my life. something i used to skip every time. i had a very good time, but something wasn`t right. maybe because i wasn`t familiar with this kind of things, or maybe i just made the wrong decision. i really don`t think so, but lately i am not sure about anything. every time things worked out faster and we got what we wanted like instantly. then it was all forgotten. so this now, is usually the time when i back off because i get scared of my choices. this is the time i feel weak and vulnerable and i need someone to help me make the right decision. i get scared of routine and boringness.  i need the strong arms to push me to a wall and show me this is the right thing to do. it`s not only the cheesy conversation and the funny stuff that make me chose. i am also looking for "the look" and the attraction. it`s like buying a box of chocolates. you like them cuz they`re chocolates and cuz they have pretty wrappings, but what if you don`t like the taste? or the other way around. you  like the taste, but they have wrappings that don`t make you feel desire. this is what i`m looking for, cuz i don`t believe in love at first sight. it only happened once, and that was my all. if i could get that now, would it make me go back to that feelings?

make a difference

Everyday I ask myself some questions. What to wear, where to go, what must I do today, what will I do today…but the most important question that comes at the end of everyday is ‘what have I done today to be proud?’. It`s a question which’s answer influences my living and my future days. It's easy to say what you had for breakfast, but it's not that easy to live a day thinking you should do things right every time so that you can be proud of who you are at the end of the day. Today, I woke up early and walked my dog more than usual and I feel proud of that. It may not sound that much of a big deal to you, but it did to me. Because he was truly happy, and I could tell that. I love my dog, and I love the feeling I get after doing  something for him. It's the same with others. I'm happy if I made someone happy with my behaving or if I know I helped someone improve their lives through my actions. There are days when I do things I know from the beginning I will not be proud of. Why do I do them anyway? Because I'm still a child and I want to experiment. I want to feel things on my own in order to understand them completely and have the power to reveal them to others. I guess the worst day you can have is a day when you did nothing. I think that kind of day is a lost day. It's waste of energy, time and air. People die every day, people die every time we blink. They die of cancer and aids and pneumonia, but most of them die of small and stupid diseases like colds or diarrhea. Hundreds of people die everyday of hunger. Of course, we can`t imagine how that is because we have never put ourselves in the position of wondering what will we eat the next meal, or the next day.  We can actually stop some of those deaths if we get involved somehow for the world, for the people that need us. There are plenty of organizations out there, just waiting for someone to take the lead, to shout a suggestion, to want to make a difference. Each day I'm trying my best to be that someone that will make a difference someday with just a whisper. 

the countryside feeling

The great thing when I come to the countryside is that I am a totally different person. I make all these plans about my future when I'm here. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. But I cannot know that until I feel them on my skin. The thing is, that sometimes, I do crazy things when I’m here. I can’t tell the difference between dream and reality and I turn out doing stupid things. Like bad things that do nothing than to confuse me and hurt me. Even though I've grown up now and I try to avoid these kind of things, some of them just happen. Anyhow, what I was meaning to reach in this post is that divine feeling that I get when I come here. It`s a mix between calm, comfort and anxiety. It's a feeling that makes you wanna climb the Everest, fly to the sun, reach the stars and everything. I'm beginning to be poetic right now. The main point is that I always have great plans for when I get home, like now for instance. I'm leaving home in a couple of hours and I already have a million things to do when I get there. Keep your fingers crossed for me, cuz I want to be the change I wish to see in the world.

change the world

The most important thing in a teen`s life is growing up. When we are young, all we think about is how to grow up faster, we try to think and act as a grown up. And what we don`t understand is why our parents and grandparents keep telling us much they loved it when they were kids, and how they would like to be in the 6th grade again. For me growing up is a phenomena you can`t tell when happening. If I look back in time and I see myself in the 6th grade I remember a child, if I look back in time two years ago, I see a child, if I look back in time yesterday I still see the child. You see, for me, every day means learning new things about myself, about life, about writing the future. Mine and others`. The most important goal for myself in life is to make a difference. To change the world in a way. It may be a very minor change, but if that change improved someone`s life even a bit, to me it`s enough. Like Mahatma Gandhi said: “you must be the change you wish to see in the world”. I want to be that change. And so far, I think my only chance to do what I said is through Save the Children. I now know for sure that whatever I will do with my life, both study and work, that I will continue with Save the Children for the rest of my life.

this is me

tic-tac. minesweeper. amor amor by cacharel. rumba. coffee. laugh. the look. smile. passion. dreams. music. travel. experience. converse. green. sweet. winter. shoes. cars. speed. candles. mint chocolate. seaside. running. tears of joy. water. photos. writing. colours. dog. dance. ipod. internet. rollerblades. cereal. pool. twelve. margarita. rain. cookies. reading. princeton. ice cream. nokia E61i. trenches. event planning. coffee mugs. wine. scent of a woman. old blues. perfect. sunglasses. elvis. tea. tickets. history. labels. greek. lighters. spontaneity. english. tiara. hair gel. glitter. swarovski. tattoo. plane. sun. dresses. danger. love.

soulmate

yesterday i got to thinking about soulmates. do they exist? and if so, how can you tell? a friend of mine said that she believes in soulmates and that there are more than one for each and everyone of us. but the funny part is that in romanian soulmate is translated like a pair of souls. and if so, a pair is formed by two parts. one is always you, and the other one...how can it be divided into many? she than said: it`s like a puzzle, more than one piece can fit. and i agree with that, but only one fits perfectly. now it`s not like i`m the wishing for one perfect guy in my life, i`m just asking myself some questions. as for me, i think every guy was perfect because i`m the type of girl looking for love. real love. ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. and when i have doubts about that, i let go. i like having fun once in a while, but deep down i wonder all the time.

my first weding

today i had my first wedding. as an event planner, not as a bride ;) i had the oportunity to see Capsa Hotel on the inside and i was over-excited about everything. one thing bothered me. i saw the waiters` secrets. there is a big diffecence between what we see when we go to a restaurant and what hides behind the good looks. men in shorts were called to be waiters and while speaking on the phone and sitting with their butts on the table they were folding up napkins. i had quite a shock, but my boss said this ones were pretty stylish. anyway, i got to do a lot of stuff. all the tables and chaires needed decoration, we had place cards and candy for all the guests...so basically, i`m feeling a little tired and i think i`ll go lie down a bit.

Nirvana

Buddhists know nothing about this feeling. what i feel now comapares to nothing in the world. it`s not a crush, it`s a feeling that tells me this is it. it`s everything to me.

ice cream

I asked a friend to tell me the first word that comes into her mind so that i can do something with my blog again. and there you go it, it was ice-cream. what can i say about ice cream? i like it because it`s flavoured. i usually eat it in the winter because in the summer it melts almost instantly. this brings new stuff to my mind. like all the good things that come to an end. what i mean is that you find something that you like, but you`re not sure, you take some time to think about it and the minute you are completely positive that it`s your thing for the rest of your life, something happens and it vanishes. i experienced something like this last saturday and now i can`t stop thinking about it. similar stuff had happened to me many times before, but this time it was different, it was fistouka. and to make this whole post complete, i have to mention that i had a talk to my last happening and he was ok. the fabulous city was fine, and i mentioned i`m not going to italy this year. everything is fine. me is fine.

entirely changed

This is like a real important post to me. i have decided to change my blog into english, so that i can share it with some other people and say more things than usual. i was a difficult time for me considering i haven`t written anythig since march - i think- but now i`m back with fresh information. i have a new perception about life. i think i wiser now, but not because i`m older. i have learned a lot of things about myself and i am ready to share them with the world.
i like to travel.
i can`t quit smoking.
i like being in love.
i need to be more organised and this new job is really helping me.
i really want to go to sweeden and i shall do whatever it takes for me to get there.
i want to get into princeton.
i will improve my dancing.
i need to be taken care of.
i like big events.
i want to buy more clothes and shoes.
i want not to lose any friends.
i need to continue with all the dreaming.
i just want to be happy.

cacat. nu mai pot sa scriu nimic. s-a terminat. plec in suedia

post insipid

opaaa...nu am mai scris de foarte mult timp pe blog. si cand spun foarte chiar ma refer la mult timp. cred ca ultimul meu post a fost o leapsa pe care am facut-o in lipsa de inspiratie pt ceva grandios. ei bine, nu pot promite asa ceva pt fiecare articol ce va urma, dar mi-am propus sa citesc o poezie in fiecare zi. mi-am propus sa citesc si sa comentez versurile lui Reiner Maria Rilke. vreau sa incerc sa gasesc o legatura intre ce gandea el cand a scris poezia si ce se intampla in viata mea cotidiana.

"Leapsa 1. Pune Winamp-ul pe shuffle. 2. Apasă forward pentru fiecare întrebare. 3. Foloseşte titlul melodiei pentru răspuns, chiar dacă nu are sens. NU TRIŞA! 4. Scrie cu bold întrebările şi răspunsurile, apoi comentează modul în care răspunsul se potriveşte cu întrebarea. 5. Dă-l mai departe la 5 persoane. " Sa vedem... :D 1. Cum te simţi azi? R: Groove Amanda - Sex and the city theme Haha. Inceputul chiar e misto. Ziua de azi suna promitator. 2. Vei ajunge departe în viaţă? R: Tracy Dawn - You deserve to be loved Haha again. Ce inseamna asta? :> E totusi sowndtrack-ul din Sweet November 3. Cum te văd prietenii tăi? R: Paul Anka - Crazy love Nu cred ca Paul Anka ar trebui sa intre la quiz-uri dinastea. Si totusi, pentru cine cunoaste muzica lui intelege de ce il ador atat :X 4. Te vei căsători vreodată? R: Arctic Monkeys - When the sun goes down :))))) asta suna promitator rau :))) 5. Care e povestea vieţii tale? R: Aguilera, lil`kim, mya, pink - lady marmelade hmm... voulez-vous coucher avec moi? .....je ne sais pas si je veux :> si nu, povestea vietii mele nu se rezuma la atat 6. Cum era în liceu? R: Vama - Pe sarma clar...n-am cuvinte 7. Cum poti avansa în viaţă? R: Eric Clapton - Key to the highway pai..melodia asta e una din melodiile alea care te ambitioneaza...si de fiecare data cand ascult ma imaginez pe autostrada ssoarelui in touareg-ul sau x5-ul meu :X 8. Care e cel mai fain lucru la prietenii tăi? R: John Lee Hooker - 1 bourbon, 1 scotch, 1 beer primul gand, evident, curvarasaie =))))))))) 9. Ce se preconizează pentru weekend? R: The Roots feat Cody Chestnutt - The seed nu inca. vreau mai mult de 9 luni sa ma hotarasc daca vreau sa fiu mama ;)) 11. Cum iţi merge în viaţă? R: Janis Joplin - Summertime de-ar fi numai vara...dar in principal am parte de momente frumoase, nu ma pot plange 12. Ce melodie ţi se va cânta la înmormântare? R: Bob Marley - No woman, no cry cat de cruuuuuud!!!!!!! 13. Cum te vede restul lumii? R: Soul Control - Chocolate hmm....nice.... 14. Vei avea o viaţă fericită? R: Livin Blues - I`m a rambler =))))) asta ar trebui sa ma puna pe ganduri? 15. Ce cred prietenii cu adevărat despre tine? R: Ciara feat Missy Eliott - 1, 2 step asta nu stiu sa zic, dar melodia asta e incredibila pt dans :D 16. Sunt persoane care te doresc în secret? R: Sir Mix-A-Lot - Baby got back ou mai gos =)))))) 17. Cum să mă fericesc singur? R: Fatboy Slim - The joker mie personal, intrebarea mi se pare cretina...dar melodia care s-a nimerit nu e doar potrivita, e una din preferatele mele :X 18. Ce ar trebui să faci cu viaţa ta? R: Allanah Myles - Black velvet nu stiu ce ar trebui sa zic la asta, avand in vedere ca mie melodia imi inspira un singur lucru...unii stiu :P Leapsa. Primita de la elle. Trimis mai departe lui Tikka, Pheephe, Alexandra. inca ma gandesc la altii doi

Fresh information

Cum ma pot gandi eu la valorile vietii cand e 12 jumate deja, laptopul l-am stricat de dimineata si am de invatat toata noaptea si o saptamana non-stop ca sa recuperez la scoala? Mi se facuse dor de blog, de "gandurile si pense-urile" ;)) pe care le stocam aici, de ideea de a scrie din nou in miez de noapte, de fundalul cu buline, de mine insami. Am avut cele mai obositoare 2 saptamani de viata. Prima a fost saptamana cu italienii :X cand ieseam in fiecare seara si dimineata si de cele mai multe ori si in timpul orelor...mi-e dor de italianul meu britanic, cu accent incredibil, ticuri verbale care spune ca "food is for eating..especially when there`s a girl next to you waiting to kiss you.." si apoi isi ia o guma ;)) de ochii lui albastri si de miile de complimente... so basically, traiesc ca sa-l mai vad o data... sa-mi fie ghid exclusiv pentru torino... A doua saptamana nu o pot descrie clar, a trecut mult prea repede ca sa retin detalii. stiu ca am fost la dance masters, ca am flirtat cu dansatorii buni de pe ring, ca am facut febra musculara la tricepsi de la atatea stampile si batatura in palma de la prea multe sticle de cola. stiu ca au dansat cunoscuti de-ai mei si ca stateam cu sufletul la gura sa le urmaresc prestatia..doar ca ceva a fost ciudat...la o pereche...nu am simtit ce ma asteptam sa simt. In fiecare an ii astept sa danseze ca sa inteleg si eu ce inseamna dansul, sa imi definesc miscarile si conceptia in functie de pasii si mesajul lor. Anul acesta n-am simtit nimic...niciun sentiment...chiar au dansat prost, nu au intrat in sferturi..dar eu asteptam emotia...poate am avut asteptari prea mari, poate ca anul acesta ceva s-a schimbat, poate ca nu mai vad eu lucrurile la fel...cert e ca simt ca sunt pe cont propriu. Ca trebuie sa ma descopar singura pana anul viitor, cand evident, astept emotia. Am tinut campania cu discriminarea. Chiar mi se pare incredibil cati copii -in adevaratul sens al cuvantului- sunt rasisti si superficiali. O singura clasa am avut foarte open minded care m-a ajutat sa-mi prezint materialele, au venit cu argumente si mi-au gasit si slogan. Acum ca toate s-au terminat (in afara de testul la bio de maine si testul la mate de miercuri) mi-am gasit alte visuri care sa ma duca mai departe. Vreau sa plec la Stockholm cu un proiect SC, vreau sa ajung la Torino, vreau sa imi gasesc partener (sub 30 ani), vreau sa-mi traiesc povestea de iubire, vreau sa imi dau examenul de motor.

Fostul meu viitor editorial

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Azi dimineata nu m-as fi sculat nici batuta. De fapt, cine s-ar scula la ora 5 jumate a.m. in conditiile in care nu vine niciun mos (Craciun sau Nicolaie), nu pleci in lume cu persoana iubita si nici nu iti bombardeaza nimeni casa (doamne fereste!). Ei bine, eu la 6 a.m asteptam metroul in statie. Am avut privilegiul de a participa la Carnavalul Copiiilor, un eveniment anual organizat de Salvati Copiii Romania. Si numai datorita lor si a copiiilor din centru mi-am dat seama ca in viziunea lor am totul, ca sunt nimeni pentru mine, dar “doamna” pentru ei si ca pot sa fac un trenulet cu 50 de copiii in spate pe o melodie O-zone.
Toata treaba asta m-a facut sa ma gandesc la viata mea, la cum interpretez eu lucrurile: fericirile si esecurile. Si mi-am dat seama ca sunt o visatoare. Adica pe langa viata fericita pana la adanci batraneti alaturi de barbatul pe care il iubesc si droaia de copii sanatosi-dorinte pe care o sa le amplific un pic mai incolo-, vreau sa-mi termin liceul si sa urmez o facultate (poate doua...), visez sa-mi gasesc un job care sa-mi placa si care sa mi se potriveasca, sa-i ajut in continuare pe copii si sa fiu fericita. (Evident, am sarit peste dorintele arzatoare de moment, cum ar fi sa iau 10 la mate sau sa imi gasesc tricoul verde). Dar ce am invatat pana in acest punct al vietii mele este ca sunt singura persoana care imi poate implini visele.