pre 2009 post

30 days until new year. this can mean two things: we have little time to do whatever we said we`ll do this year, or enaugh time to endure, before we can make new changes in our lives. i have plenty of things to do, but also can`t wait this year to be over so that i can make new plans, and follow new dreams. another new year without a date. why does it mean so much if you kiss someone at that particular moment? cuz right now, i don`t really know. it is said that you will stick together with that person that year, but even i believe that is bullshit. maybe the effect of mistletoe is different. that helped me keep somethig, but not a relationship. and i am trying to define that 'something' for a couple of years now. i wonder what `ill do next year. will i bungee jump, will i get a 10 in maths, will i fall in love? or these are just unattainable things? for instance, this year i said i`ll go and meet Xiko, but i didn`t do that, and i don`t have enaugh time to do that now. i also said i`ll go to italy for my lover. that also didn`t happen. and i am happy because of that, this way i can stick to my beautiful memories. i said i wanted to fly and thank god i`ve flyed eight times this year. i also said i`ll read shakespeare and that i`ll be happy, i said i wanted to be an amazing volunteer for save the children and look how all these turned out. i also found myself a dance partner. i am tremendously grateful for all these things that i manadged to accomplish. there is only one thing that`s still racking my brain: the 11th task on my list was "to love" [and i was referring to truly, unselfish, faithful love]. well, that didn`t turned out ok also [see thursday, october 23 ] and i wonder: do i still have enaugh time? or what`s already done is forever?