my life on FF

[This was supposed to be a bait-post, but because of a writers’ block and my standards, I had to rewrite it 4 times, before I liked the beginning and it has lost the original goal.]

I’ve put my life on fast forward and before I knew it, I realized I got dumped by everyone I cared about and I pushed away those who didn’t really interest me.
It took me almost 18 years to realize that in case you don’t get what you want, you have to look around and see what suits you, and if you don’t do that fast enough and choose a replacement, you end up loosing that too.
What I feel right now partly matches what Pascal said in philosophy: that happiness is a bunch of fragments and no one can have all of them. I bet that is why everyone is so miserable. Because people can’t settle with what they already have, they like to suffer and crave for all the things they are missing.
There is something incredibly sexy and appealing about the notion “incomplete”. Everything that is not complete has room for the new and the unknown. And this absence of boundaries is like a magnet for the ordinary.
I can’t say about myself that I am incomplete, but I am very much attracted by the term. I am more like believed to be complete, but turned out to be totally empty. I don’t think that is appealing, I find it rather disgusting. *That would explain a lot.
I don’t know if there is a key to this happiness, but I’d sure love to have it on my chain, next to my home keys. And since nothing is for free in this bloody world, I wonder what would I have to pay for just a couple of fragments of that happiness?