cardiac arrest. literally

I thought I had it all. I mean, it felt like I have everything, until it felt like I have nothing at all.
My whole life was going so well, I knew something bad was gonna happen. Still, I was just kidding and paying more attention with buses and crossing roads. Until they hit me; those words. “I fell in love with her” was nothing, compared to “are you insane? Of course I won’t go with you on holiday, what will my girlfriend say?” so I thought to myself: “it’s ok, he’s just kidding, we have something here. I don’t know what, but it’s something ours.” So I told him in an attempted joke: “ok, but that’s 4 months from now”. And he jumped right back at me with his forever charm, saying: “you bitch! Why don’t you want me to be with her for so long?”. And then I said something perfectly reasonable and lovely and became the best friend and confident again. But that was precisely when I drowned. As I swallowed his words like water, and lost my breath while speaking, my heart stopped beating.