I will not pretend that 2015 is an entirely different moment in time where I can simply decide what to let go of from 2014, and what to adopt for the next twelve months. What I will do however, is chose to become a stronger person.
In my pursuit of greatness, I simply must be more adequately prepared to face whatever challenges I encounter. I have been indulgent enough to allow myself some time to be at the bottom of the sea, but the time has come for me to swim again.
I feel the gargantuan weight of an ultimatum. I have been walking along the blade of a knife for months now, waiting to fall; for the first time since then, I feel I can jump off safely and carry on walking on solid ground.
Simultaneously, it feels I am on a train ride and my stop is coming up next: I need to get off, or I'm stuck on the train to wherever it will take me. But somehow, I am glued to the seat.
The only thing holding me back is fear. Perhaps ordinary, but I do not fear the unknown; I fear those things I know the taste of.
And then again, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. What hasn't poisoned me, can only taste sweeter with every bite.
Decision making has been troublesome for me during this time, but the one thing I know beyond shadow of doubt is that I do not want to lay my head on your pillow and make believe you love me one more time.
We fell in love, despite our differences; and once we did, something sublime was created. I would loathe for it to die because I did not have the strength to rip myself off that seat.
Perhaps peculiar to many, but for those struggling with depression, the perspective of swimming in a sea of despair is a comforting zone. Opportunity doesn't knock twice, so I'm getting off at the next stop.
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