wrong approach

I have done a lot of bad things in my life. I’ve cheated, I've lied, I’ve made a fool out of myself and others, but not until now have I realized that’s the only way to be remembered in a way. I’ve always lived with the impression that I have to do something to change our living world, and I always thought of that "something" to be a nice gesture, something that’s good and inspiring for the human kind. But now it all makes sense. There aren’t a lot of positive grand gestures in history. I mean everybody knows about the two WWs, the holocaust, the nuclear explosions and the latest theaters are the pollution and global warming. How many people know about peace agreements and that in each and every one of them there are articles regarding children’s education and that usually those are never fulfilled? How many people know about the critical situation in Africa where children die of pneumonia - which I had had three times -, filthy water, or even worse - hunger? Can you imagine how it feels to actually die because of starvation? To die tortured because your body is too weak to even try and survive? Well, this happens to children that haven’t even turned 6 yet. When you see or hear about something like that it makes you question God and how can he allow all this suffering in the world. At least, that’s how it made me feel some time ago. Now, I just think it’s not his job to save them from above, but ours to do it from right here. This doesn’t mean I don’t question him harshly about lots of things, but one thing he’s done rightly is the PR. we all know about what’s happening around us. No one can say he’s never heard of such poverty and sickness, but why do we do nothing? How selfish can anyone be not to care about anything but his own well being? I’ve heard lots of people saying "we have to deal with the children in our area first, but god damn it, who helps the far away ones? I don’t know why I’m so close tight to God tonight, but now I’m beginning to understand his idea of Noe and his arch. Only now there are people to be saved or drowned. But then again, who is really entitled to do the choosing? Are we ever gonna change the world by many small gestures that belong to many many men? Or do we need a power from above to drawn us all and start over?

a chance to live

it`s 2:40 in the morning and i can`t sleep. it`s something on my mind. a man actually, but not that kind of a man that doesn`t call or makes me wonder shit about him. it`s about a great man. you see, for the past few months we`ve been raising money at school for this girl that needs a brain surgery and her operation is scheduled for april 27th. at first, i thought we could never raise 25 ooo euros, but now this feeling seems so far away. not only we did that, but today we`ve been to the mayor`s office and he, without even pausing for a gasp, gave us another 5000. like i was asking him to pass the salt. i didn`t realise it back then, but now i see that these gestures come only with great men. it doesn`t matter if you come from a wealthy family, or if you had the best education in the world, for people in need, it only matters how big your heart really is. he could have made us stalk him, or made our efforts worth the money, but he just thought, for a second only, of the poor girl and said: "come tomorrow for the money". and that was it. and now i wonder, what really takes to be that kind of person? not to think of what else you could have done with the money or is this girl really worth my money? just to give it away hoping that you can improve someone else`s life. and damn straight he did. she`s gonna be just fine. the procedure will go perfectly well, and the recovery will be easy and complete and this girl will have another chance to live. amazing.

Startovers

Yesterday I got to thinking about startovers. What actually is a start over? People call it a new beginning, a new way of starting your life usually after something has happened that influenced your living in a way. So what happens to the past? Is our life like a written diary? And if so, can we rip the pages and erase the past?

I believe in starting your life again, but I don’t believe in changing who you are. People never change. Even though a part of them changes, it can be the looks of the spirit, but deep down you are and always be who you’ve ever been. People can start doing different things, can change their lifestyle, their friends and habits, people can detoxify, but what I mean is that you can’t become a whole different person over night.

We are tied down to so many things we don’t even realize.

I personally thought I’m not tied to anything until so little time ago. I had this plan of going to UCU and everything seemed so right until all this thoughts came through my mind some night while I was talking to S. and then I realized it all made sense. All that L. said about us starting that dancing club together and me staying in the city for the next couple of years. That’s practically starting a life together. I don’t know what I want to do. I want to study law so much, but also dancing has always meant so much for me. Now I feel like it’s all falling apart…

I wish I could stick to my decisions, but most of the times I change my mind. Not in all matters, but in some I do. And I just want to be sure I’m making the right ones once in a while. But then, can you ever know you made the right decision? Everything is considered to be right, until proven wrong. But then again, how can you always tell the difference between right and wrong? And most important: do you always have to do what’s right?

the longest tag

My ABC’s…

A

- Available: for now

- Age: 17

- Annoyance: judgmental people, hypocrisy

- Allergic: histamine

- Animal: definitely dog

- Actor: Al Pacino

B

- Beer: Salitos

- Birthday/Birthplace: February 15th, Bucharest

- Best Friends: Cat, Sim, Sal, Ane, Liviu, Paul

- Body Part on opposite sex: ass, eyes

- Best feeling in the world: flying

- Blind or Deaf: none. i couldn’t choose

- Best weather: warm, but cloudy

- Been in Love: every time

- Been bitched out?: hell yeah

- Been on stage?: breathtaking

- Believe in yourself?:  I do

- Believe in life on other planets: why not?

- Believe in miracles: in other people lives

- Believe in Magic: there’s magic in everything

- Believe in God: don’t really know now

- Believe in Satan: not really

- Believe in Santa: i believe in Christmas

- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: too much believing. no

- Believe in Evolution: yes, i do 

C

- Car: Ford Mustang Shelby

- Candy: I’m a candy gal

- Color: green

- Cried in school: today :P

- Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla chocolate

- Chinese/Mexican: Mexican

- Cake or pie: apple pie

- Countries to visit: don’t have enough space here. I should say...the whole world starting with Ireland, India, Norway, France, England and Africa....

D

- Day or Night: night or morning

- Dream vehicle: definitely Mustang Shelby

- Danced: all my life. Still do

- Dance in the rain?: actually, I did

- Dance in the middle of the street?: that was when I felt the rain on my body

- Do the splits?: I can still do it

E

- Eggs: scrambled

- Eyes: can tell you everything

- Everyone has: lied

- Ever failed a class?: so close

F

- First crush: kindergarden. he was blonde with blue eyes. we used to play mum and dad; i wonder how he looks now

- Full name: Raluca L Gabriela Popescu

- First thoughts waking up: I need coffee, is the water warm or will i shower with cold water again?, do I still have time to walk the dog?, what should I wear?, geez will I make it in time for school?

- Food: I like traditional food

G

- Greatest Fear: spiders

- Giver or taker: giver

- Goals: change something in this enormous world

- Gum: orbit white sweet mint

- Get along with your parents?: questionable, i try to most of the times. 

- Good luck charms: raluca necklace

H

- Hair Color: dark brown

- Height: 167 cm

- Happy: as long as I’m on coffee

- Holidays: unique, full of departures, arriving and clothes to wash in the night, time for experiences. 

- How do you want to die: of laughing

- Health freak?: I couldn’t. I might be falling apart because of all the practice. 

- Hate: don’t like to

I

(In guys/girls)

- Eye color: deep blue/green/brown/dark/grey (the accent in on deep)

- Hair Color: I used to like brunets, but after this summer in Stockholm...

- Height: I’m not sure if it’s a fetish or not, but most of my ex`s were shorter than me

- Clothing Style: can’t describe it. I think quality clothes

- Characteristics: funny, subtitle jokes, spontaneous

- Ice Cream: all over

- Instrument: M

J

- Jewelry: raluca necklace, earrings

- Job: event planner, book corrector

K

- Kids: check

- Kickboxing or karate: karate for 2 years

- Keep a journal?: used to. now I have the blog

L

- Longest Car Ride: don’t remember

- Love: true

- Letter: R

- Laughed so hard you cried: lots of times with this one person

- Love at first sight: once. don’t believe in it though

M

- Milk flavor: plain and chocolate

- Movie: scent of a woman, the notebook

- Mooned anyone?: nope

- Marriage: sounds exciting

- Motion sickness?: cheque

- McD’s or BK: it’s kind of the same for me

N

- Number of Siblings: "Zero,Nothing,Nada,Niente,Nicht,Nimic" [am pastrat asta, e prea tare]

- Number of Piercings: one.

- Number: 12

O

- Overused Phrases: “whoo-ha”, “k-ching”, “lasa, lasa”, “bine”, “ha”

- One wish: UN

- One phobia: spiders

P

- Place you’d like to live: Sweden

- Pepsi/Coke: coke 

Q

- Quail: nope

- Questionnaires: not really my type

R

- Reason to cry: nervous breakdown

- Reality T.V.: no

- Radio Station: no

- Roll your tongue in a circle?: I could do that

S

- Song: the night time is the right time - CCR

- Shoe size: 7

- Sushi: coming right up

- Skipped school: more than I should have

- Slept outside: in the countryside

- Seen a dead body?: it hurt

- Smoked?: for some time

- Skinny dipped?: hell yeah

- Shower daily?: twice

- Sing well?: I like to think that

- In the shower?: did too

- Swear?: I tended to a lot for some time

- Stuffed Animals?: no

- Single/Group dates: both

- Strawberries/Blueberries: blueberry

- Scientists need to invent: teleporter, machine to cure cancer

T

- Time for bed: inexistent

- Thunderstorms: perfect time to stay in bed

- Touch your tongue to your nose?: can’t

U

- Unpredictable: try to 

- Under the influence?: lately, yes

- Understanding?: as much as i can

V

- Vegetable you hate: green beans

- Vegetable you love: broccoli

- Vacation spot: the world

W

- Weakness: I’m easily hurt by words

- When you grow up: I’ll change the world

- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: don’t quite know

- Who makes you laugh the most: everyone, I’m easily amused

- Worst feeling: rejection

- Wanted to be a model?: couple years ago

- Where do we go when we die: heaven I suppose?

- Worst weather: excessive heat

- Walk with a book on your head?: did that too

X

- X-Rays: only when I need to be fixed

Y

-Year it is now: 2009

-Yellow: reminds me of someone

Z

- Zoo animal: zebra

- Zodiac sign: Aquarius

LAST PERSON WHO…

1. Slept in a bed beside you?: Liviu

2. Last person to see you cry?: Cat

3. Went to the movies with you?: Liviu

4. You went to the mall with?: Sally

5. You went to dinner with?: Simina

6. You talked to on the phone?: Dad

7. Made you laugh?: Cat

 

The longest tag I ever completed. Sending it to cat, Mihai, Fifi and whoever wants it too.

 

hope - a drug?

show us what they want us to see in them. i had this thoughts lately about this world that we`re living in. it`s full of ipocricy and everything seems so superficial. no one seems to show their feelings anymore, they all use a use a mask. it`s either they show us what we want to see, or they just so where`s the head to that? have we all lost our hopes and beliefs? are we really better off without some goal that no one thinks it`s reachable? i got to thinking: what`s the harm in believing? 

TAG: what do you believe in? 

st patrick`s day

everything seems so far away. vanished is not a synonim for lost.

*tag from cat

1. Yourself?  Spontaneous.

2. Your boyfriend? N/A right now.

3. Your hair? Long.

4. Your mother?  Funny.

5. Your father?  Sarcastic.

6. Your favourite item? Dance shoes.

7. Your dream last night?  Forgotten.

8. Your favourite drink? Margarita.

9. Your dream car? Mustang Shelby.

10. The room you’re in? Living room.

11. Your ex? closed chapter

12. Your fear? Having children with malformations.

13. What you want to be in 10 years? Jurist and dancer.

14. Who you hung out with last night? Best male friend and his friends.

15. What You’re Not? Fulfilled.

16. Muffins? yes, please.

17. One of Your Wish List Items? Venetian mask.

18. Time? night.

19. The Last Thing You Did?  drink wine.

20. What You Are Wearing?  training suit.

21. Your Favorite Weather?  Warm but cloudy.

22. Your Favorite Book?  poirot series.

23. The Last Thing You Ate? hamburger.

24. Your Life?  unpredictable.

25. Your Mood?  dizzy.

26. Your body? exhausted.

27. What are you thinking about right now? delivery guy.

28. Your car?  future car/dream car - mustang shelby.

29. What are you doing at the moment?  watching a movie.

30. Your summer?  amazing.greece.sweden.seaside.mountains.belgium.

31. What color are your underwear?  yellow.

32. What is the weather like?  lousy.

33. When is the last time you laughed? a few seconds ago.

34. What is on your tv?  old movie.