i was just speaking to a friend of mine and she showed me her status on messenger...it was kind of a joke in it, but it was about loving someone that much that it might become against the law. so, the first thing that got through my mind that time was this: "i wanna be the air you breathe when you choke" and i put it as my status. that`s because me and some pals, we had this conversation over in brusells about chocking (yeah, i know) and i figured how important must be that breath when you have to save your life. i had my breathe to give away, but there was no one to choke i could have given it back then. maybe i will use this sometime in the future. until then i want to write about some other important things that come through my mind right now. like college. i want to get into college somewhere abroad. my dream college is princeton, and i am starting studying this saturday. i hope for the best. my other choice is the university of amsterdam.
now, except for college, lovelife and and other crap, i wanna do a fundraising for the people in africa. but, i don`t want something at my school or in a local group. i want something big. something that could really make a change. and i don`t really have an amazing plan right now, but i will make one. another thing i want to do is a tour of my city. i want to visit it like i was a touris here and i want to take pictures of small things that i think could define my city and i will post them on facebook. so basically, for now, i only have dreams and desires. nothing concrete.

post mai vechi, de pe un alt site

a fact Sep 13, 2007 1:02 AM

Iubirea este o maligna a creierului. Cu care traiesti sub presiune, dar fara de care esti tampit. Simplu. Trebuie sa iubesti ca sa poti respira. Respiri ca sa iti oxigenezi trupul. Iti oxigenezi trupul ca sa nu mori. Nu mori pentru ca te iubesti pe tine. Si asta e dragoste neconditionata. Asadar, iubesti pentru tine. Iubesti pentru a-ti salva viata.

desire

it`s the same always undecided me, the girl that only wants what she can`t get and if she gets something she might have wanted, she`s suddenly not interested anymore. 

yesterday i had something new in my life. something i used to skip every time. i had a very good time, but something wasn`t right. maybe because i wasn`t familiar with this kind of things, or maybe i just made the wrong decision. i really don`t think so, but lately i am not sure about anything. every time things worked out faster and we got what we wanted like instantly. then it was all forgotten. so this now, is usually the time when i back off because i get scared of my choices. this is the time i feel weak and vulnerable and i need someone to help me make the right decision. i get scared of routine and boringness.  i need the strong arms to push me to a wall and show me this is the right thing to do. it`s not only the cheesy conversation and the funny stuff that make me chose. i am also looking for "the look" and the attraction. it`s like buying a box of chocolates. you like them cuz they`re chocolates and cuz they have pretty wrappings, but what if you don`t like the taste? or the other way around. you  like the taste, but they have wrappings that don`t make you feel desire. this is what i`m looking for, cuz i don`t believe in love at first sight. it only happened once, and that was my all. if i could get that now, would it make me go back to that feelings?

make a difference

Everyday I ask myself some questions. What to wear, where to go, what must I do today, what will I do today…but the most important question that comes at the end of everyday is ‘what have I done today to be proud?’. It`s a question which’s answer influences my living and my future days. It's easy to say what you had for breakfast, but it's not that easy to live a day thinking you should do things right every time so that you can be proud of who you are at the end of the day. Today, I woke up early and walked my dog more than usual and I feel proud of that. It may not sound that much of a big deal to you, but it did to me. Because he was truly happy, and I could tell that. I love my dog, and I love the feeling I get after doing  something for him. It's the same with others. I'm happy if I made someone happy with my behaving or if I know I helped someone improve their lives through my actions. There are days when I do things I know from the beginning I will not be proud of. Why do I do them anyway? Because I'm still a child and I want to experiment. I want to feel things on my own in order to understand them completely and have the power to reveal them to others. I guess the worst day you can have is a day when you did nothing. I think that kind of day is a lost day. It's waste of energy, time and air. People die every day, people die every time we blink. They die of cancer and aids and pneumonia, but most of them die of small and stupid diseases like colds or diarrhea. Hundreds of people die everyday of hunger. Of course, we can`t imagine how that is because we have never put ourselves in the position of wondering what will we eat the next meal, or the next day.  We can actually stop some of those deaths if we get involved somehow for the world, for the people that need us. There are plenty of organizations out there, just waiting for someone to take the lead, to shout a suggestion, to want to make a difference. Each day I'm trying my best to be that someone that will make a difference someday with just a whisper. 

the countryside feeling

The great thing when I come to the countryside is that I am a totally different person. I make all these plans about my future when I'm here. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. But I cannot know that until I feel them on my skin. The thing is, that sometimes, I do crazy things when I’m here. I can’t tell the difference between dream and reality and I turn out doing stupid things. Like bad things that do nothing than to confuse me and hurt me. Even though I've grown up now and I try to avoid these kind of things, some of them just happen. Anyhow, what I was meaning to reach in this post is that divine feeling that I get when I come here. It`s a mix between calm, comfort and anxiety. It's a feeling that makes you wanna climb the Everest, fly to the sun, reach the stars and everything. I'm beginning to be poetic right now. The main point is that I always have great plans for when I get home, like now for instance. I'm leaving home in a couple of hours and I already have a million things to do when I get there. Keep your fingers crossed for me, cuz I want to be the change I wish to see in the world.

change the world

The most important thing in a teen`s life is growing up. When we are young, all we think about is how to grow up faster, we try to think and act as a grown up. And what we don`t understand is why our parents and grandparents keep telling us much they loved it when they were kids, and how they would like to be in the 6th grade again. For me growing up is a phenomena you can`t tell when happening. If I look back in time and I see myself in the 6th grade I remember a child, if I look back in time two years ago, I see a child, if I look back in time yesterday I still see the child. You see, for me, every day means learning new things about myself, about life, about writing the future. Mine and others`. The most important goal for myself in life is to make a difference. To change the world in a way. It may be a very minor change, but if that change improved someone`s life even a bit, to me it`s enough. Like Mahatma Gandhi said: “you must be the change you wish to see in the world”. I want to be that change. And so far, I think my only chance to do what I said is through Save the Children. I now know for sure that whatever I will do with my life, both study and work, that I will continue with Save the Children for the rest of my life.

this is me

tic-tac. minesweeper. amor amor by cacharel. rumba. coffee. laugh. the look. smile. passion. dreams. music. travel. experience. converse. green. sweet. winter. shoes. cars. speed. candles. mint chocolate. seaside. running. tears of joy. water. photos. writing. colours. dog. dance. ipod. internet. rollerblades. cereal. pool. twelve. margarita. rain. cookies. reading. princeton. ice cream. nokia E61i. trenches. event planning. coffee mugs. wine. scent of a woman. old blues. perfect. sunglasses. elvis. tea. tickets. history. labels. greek. lighters. spontaneity. english. tiara. hair gel. glitter. swarovski. tattoo. plane. sun. dresses. danger. love.

soulmate

yesterday i got to thinking about soulmates. do they exist? and if so, how can you tell? a friend of mine said that she believes in soulmates and that there are more than one for each and everyone of us. but the funny part is that in romanian soulmate is translated like a pair of souls. and if so, a pair is formed by two parts. one is always you, and the other one...how can it be divided into many? she than said: it`s like a puzzle, more than one piece can fit. and i agree with that, but only one fits perfectly. now it`s not like i`m the wishing for one perfect guy in my life, i`m just asking myself some questions. as for me, i think every guy was perfect because i`m the type of girl looking for love. real love. ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. and when i have doubts about that, i let go. i like having fun once in a while, but deep down i wonder all the time.

my first weding

today i had my first wedding. as an event planner, not as a bride ;) i had the oportunity to see Capsa Hotel on the inside and i was over-excited about everything. one thing bothered me. i saw the waiters` secrets. there is a big diffecence between what we see when we go to a restaurant and what hides behind the good looks. men in shorts were called to be waiters and while speaking on the phone and sitting with their butts on the table they were folding up napkins. i had quite a shock, but my boss said this ones were pretty stylish. anyway, i got to do a lot of stuff. all the tables and chaires needed decoration, we had place cards and candy for all the guests...so basically, i`m feeling a little tired and i think i`ll go lie down a bit.

Nirvana

Buddhists know nothing about this feeling. what i feel now comapares to nothing in the world. it`s not a crush, it`s a feeling that tells me this is it. it`s everything to me.

ice cream

I asked a friend to tell me the first word that comes into her mind so that i can do something with my blog again. and there you go it, it was ice-cream. what can i say about ice cream? i like it because it`s flavoured. i usually eat it in the winter because in the summer it melts almost instantly. this brings new stuff to my mind. like all the good things that come to an end. what i mean is that you find something that you like, but you`re not sure, you take some time to think about it and the minute you are completely positive that it`s your thing for the rest of your life, something happens and it vanishes. i experienced something like this last saturday and now i can`t stop thinking about it. similar stuff had happened to me many times before, but this time it was different, it was fistouka. and to make this whole post complete, i have to mention that i had a talk to my last happening and he was ok. the fabulous city was fine, and i mentioned i`m not going to italy this year. everything is fine. me is fine.

entirely changed

This is like a real important post to me. i have decided to change my blog into english, so that i can share it with some other people and say more things than usual. i was a difficult time for me considering i haven`t written anythig since march - i think- but now i`m back with fresh information. i have a new perception about life. i think i wiser now, but not because i`m older. i have learned a lot of things about myself and i am ready to share them with the world.
i like to travel.
i can`t quit smoking.
i like being in love.
i need to be more organised and this new job is really helping me.
i really want to go to sweeden and i shall do whatever it takes for me to get there.
i want to get into princeton.
i will improve my dancing.
i need to be taken care of.
i like big events.
i want to buy more clothes and shoes.
i want not to lose any friends.
i need to continue with all the dreaming.
i just want to be happy.