soloeliastvee

2010-05-04T22:37:00.000+03:00

hopelessly, helplessly and unconditionally in love.

tomorrow

2010-04-29T00:24:00.000+03:00

What have I gotten myself into? I feel like the earth is running from under my feet. I cried when I realized she was right with what she said, and now I cry when I realize this is still uncertain. I know I am a dreamer, but for how long will I be dreaming until I’ll actually get to live it? I pictured so many scenes in my head, which I now feel are unlikely to materialize. Tomorrow might be all better, as it was just a couple of minutes ago, but then I wouldn’t know. Because I can’t picture tomorrow. I can picture the ‘sometime in the future’, but I have no idea how I’ll get through tomorrow. At the beginning I started on the idea that I’ll take it one day at the time, but there are moments like this when I wonder how tomorrow will be if I’m on my own again? I was always up for challenges, but what do you do when you feel overwhelmed by them? It’s not like quitting will make everything go back to normal – things have changed; loads. I have prioritized my thoughts in the morning because of these new circumstances and if feels wonderful right now, but how will it feel tomorrow?

toast and pancakes

2010-04-19T19:32:00.001+03:00

Who could’ve predicted that something like this would happen to me? I didn’t expect it, I wasn’t looking for it, it just hit me. And now I’d like it to keep on touching me at least, but there’s this slightly impediment which is distance – literally. What is it that made two different people have a thing, regardless of so many issues that would normally act against them? But then again, the normality matter – I could debate it forever. I feel that there isn’t enough time during a day for me to miss him as much as I want. I’ve never felt more appreciated and fought for. Because I think this really makes the difference. All my life I’ve been looking for someone to want me and fight for me using “all necessary means” and I think this might be the case. Because I believe in dreams and I believe the impossible is possible, and because I found someone who believes in my dreams and fights for them – I am happy. After all this time of miserable happenings, I am happy. And it feels unbelievably great. This “thing” is like the perfect breakfast. Previously most of my breakfasts just meant coffee, but now I’ve developed this sudden interest in toast. And apparently pancakes are a big hit too, so toast, pancakes and coffee make the perfect “thing”.

poem

2010-04-15T12:15:00.002+03:00

Time has passed and i have changed,
No more lust, now i'm engaged.
Memories of faded truth,
All so vivic in my youth.

Come to me and help me build,
Lovely dreams fed from your guilt.
Thus the craving for your love,
Never came from up above.

From your flesh i've learned desire,
All the time, you've been a liar.
The taste of you costed my soul -
I was blind, just like a mole.

Like a stroke you turned me numb,
Loving you was clearly wrong.

Spring euphoria and homosexuality

2010-04-14T16:18:00.001+03:00

Yesterday I heard someone saying that ‘you go through life and you never tell people how much you care for them’ and I actually took a moment to think about that. People tend to often keep their feelings to themselves and miss the opportunity of something grand. But why this silence? Is it fear that keeps us from speaking out loud? If you think about it, feeling the feelings is the complicated part, speaking about them – that’s just words. Being able to discover what you feel for someone is much more difficult than telling them your feelings to their faces. Apparently nowadays, people are less afraid of feeling but deeply frightened of admitting that to somebody else than themselves.
I don’t argue that declaring eternal love takes guts, but that’s what we wore born to do. No one wants to be invisible and live a fade life, so why not take the risk and live the moment? Play it all or nothing? Like snails, we got used to living in the comfort of our shells and that only amplifies the pressure that the society puts on us. Living up to the urban myth that spring is the time to fall in love people begin to desperately search for a significant other. But what ever happened to falling in love regardless of time, age, circumstances and moreover, why people associate spring with butterflies in the stomach? Even this expression was born on spring time, because obviously there are no butterflies in the winter and thus we leave winter to creep into memory and look forward to the colors of love.
Which brings me to another thing: normality. Do you find yourself in normality when you break the love rules? And then again, what is normal in fact? Today I was involved in a discussion with my friends about relationships between people of the same sex. The course was going towards the perpetuation of the species, which automatically involves two people of opposite sex – but that is only because the structure of our body requires that. Love shouldn’t have a purpose, so everyone should be allowed to love whomever they want regardless of gender and other controversial factors like race, ethnicity or society class. But most important, people shouldn’t judge the choices of others.

2 months after

2010-03-02T13:52:00.002+02:00

Two months ago I wrote about my heart being crushed, turned into pieces, spitted on and then thrown into the abyss. At that time, I got that anonymous comment saying that if I still care about “the guy” today, it means I really loved him. And I do care today, the same I did yesterday and two months ago and I’ll also care about him tomorrow and some time from now. What I wrote back then were words ripped out of my hurt heart and they don’t have the same meaning now, even though the feelings stayed the same. I now know I made some mistakes in the recent past, but not related to what I did, but to what I didn’t do. I have this constant feeling that I could have done so much more, but at present time, things are the way they are and I’ve reached the emotional level where I’m single and fabulous again.

Without any specific context or a crystal clear future, the love of my life told me he created the image of the ideal woman…in me.

18 and legal

2010-02-15T23:55:00.003+02:00

i waited so many days for this moment to come that i haven't really got used to the fact that i actually turned 18. now, i can legally do all the things i used to do before, but without part of the excitement. i am happy. here is a list of things i desperately wanted to do soon after i turned 18 (things i couldn't do while younger):

drive
get tattooed
donate blood
fly unattended
get a job

(to be continued)

Wishlist

2010-01-28T12:31:00.008+02:00

since my 18th birthday is rapidly approaching, i think it's time to start wishing stuff. so this is what i want, dear parents, friends and acquaintances:

nokia E72
amor amor by cacharel
charter of the united nations
collins dictionary of law
any CCR album (except from Creedence Clearwater Revival, Bayou Country and Green River)
band Tshits (GNR, Beatles, AC/DC, Hendrix, or anything that's not Britney or Gaga)
flight attendant outfit
coffee mugs
black slim tie (beatls style)
retro broches
huge world map
vogue february issue
air miles Tshirt
leopard tights
pearls/ sweet necklace
'up in the air' on dvd
elvis presley(young)/ johnny depp (in "cry baby") poster
love letters of great men, volume 1

(this is not finished. i will add some more items, when i get more ideas)

my life on FF

2010-01-17T13:20:00.001+02:00

[This was supposed to be a bait-post, but because of a writers’ block and my standards, I had to rewrite it 4 times, before I liked the beginning and it has lost the original goal.]

I’ve put my life on fast forward and before I knew it, I realized I got dumped by everyone I cared about and I pushed away those who didn’t really interest me.
It took me almost 18 years to realize that in case you don’t get what you want, you have to look around and see what suits you, and if you don’t do that fast enough and choose a replacement, you end up loosing that too.
What I feel right now partly matches what Pascal said in philosophy: that happiness is a bunch of fragments and no one can have all of them. I bet that is why everyone is so miserable. Because people can’t settle with what they already have, they like to suffer and crave for all the things they are missing.
There is something incredibly sexy and appealing about the notion “incomplete”. Everything that is not complete has room for the new and the unknown. And this absence of boundaries is like a magnet for the ordinary.
I can’t say about myself that I am incomplete, but I am very much attracted by the term. I am more like believed to be complete, but turned out to be totally empty. I don’t think that is appealing, I find it rather disgusting. *That would explain a lot.
I don’t know if there is a key to this happiness, but I’d sure love to have it on my chain, next to my home keys. And since nothing is for free in this bloody world, I wonder what would I have to pay for just a couple of fragments of that happiness?

cardiac arrest. literally

2009-12-19T17:06:00.001+02:00

I thought I had it all. I mean, it felt like I have everything, until it felt like I have nothing at all.
My whole life was going so well, I knew something bad was gonna happen. Still, I was just kidding and paying more attention with buses and crossing roads. Until they hit me; those words. “I fell in love with her” was nothing, compared to “are you insane? Of course I won’t go with you on holiday, what will my girlfriend say?” so I thought to myself: “it’s ok, he’s just kidding, we have something here. I don’t know what, but it’s something ours.” So I told him in an attempted joke: “ok, but that’s 4 months from now”. And he jumped right back at me with his forever charm, saying: “you bitch! Why don’t you want me to be with her for so long?”. And then I said something perfectly reasonable and lovely and became the best friend and confident again. But that was precisely when I drowned. As I swallowed his words like water, and lost my breath while speaking, my heart stopped beating.

love, sex and misfortune

2009-12-08T19:15:00.000+02:00

Quote of the day: “I don’t have anything, if I don’t have you” – Axel Rose

How is it when you feel you have everything, but in fact you have nothing at all?

You are empty and miserable if you don’t have the one you care for next to you. You can have all material things you desired, you can be loved and appreciated by friends, your family may be caring, and your job may be great, but, if you don’t have your beloved to share all that with, you will be ungrateful and deserted.

Which is completely stupid, if you ask me. Why are made incomplete? Why do we need someone to fill a gap in our perfect lives? Why can’t we live alone and simple for all our lives?
“because no one wants to be alone” – such a cliché, it makes me wonder if there wasn’t a middle aged, almost bald and fat, lonely and disgusting woman that actually came up with this idea. People want to be alone, they just need someone by their side from time to time. Not the other way around like everybody claims. That’s wrong.

And let’s not misinterpret sex, with love. Because there is one thing to have wild, sweaty, unforgettable sex with someone, and other to have a relationship based on trust, communication and sex with someone. And it seems easier to just have the sex, so why stand up for the one you care for and take the risk of telling them it could be more when you can just lay back and enjoy it (if you know what I mean)?

I close my pleading.

St. Nicholas Day

2009-12-06T22:08:00.002+02:00

Well, I don't even know where to start.
I want to remember the only Niclas in my life who made my last year's summer amazing.
Then I want to say happy birthday to my tesoro, Carla. I wish you all the best.
(This feels like thanksgiving, so I should proceed.)
I want to thank my parents for giving me sweets and money for sneakers, in St. Nicholas’ name.
Nevertheless, I want to thank my friend, Kate, for changing my elevating after talking to her.
Moreover, I want to thank my dog for still being here with me after all he’s been through.
I want to express my appreciation and love to all my friends that call me to check on me and see how I’ve been doing.
I’m having a really good day, I’ve already watched 2 versions of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens and I think I can bear another one.
I still have to put all these clothes in the drawer and read something for school.
There are a lot of things pressing my chest and I fear of a lot more.
But still, I am feeling great.
I think I’m expecting a nervous breakdown.

Long time, no see...

2009-11-18T20:14:00.001+02:00

i just remembered i have a blog!!! what a wonderful feeling, but jeez i haven't written since spring and there are so many things that happened to me during summer and autumn and my TOEFL and boys and school.....

but i will not go back to that, i'll just leave place for imagination :)) i'll just start from where i am right now: in my room, on the floor staring at a picture of a man that changed my life. i don't know him, i just have his picture from national geographic magazine. he's the image in my head (and now on my closet door) for "never forget what's really important".

because every day i am surrounded and ever overwhelmed by actions, people and things that someone like my man on the closet door would never encounter and have to deal with. so i'm just trying to reduce everything to the simple way of it's existance. that's something like an experiment for myself, a treatment for my spirit to learn how to appreciate small things <3

long story short, my professional, social and love life turned out to be a total mess and i licked my wounds for too much time. it's time to put them straight

words can mean nothing and everything

2009-07-06T00:11:00.004+03:00

i just read this amazing post of a girl that wrote her favorite lyrics from various songs and i just loved the idea so i stole it. so let's see:

"you ask for me to enter, but then you make me crawl, no i can't keep holding on" (one - mary j blige feat u2)

"it's true, we make a better day, just you and me" (we are the world - mj)

"some things are meant to be" (can't help falling in love - elvis presley)

"love is right and never wrong, we give it all for love" (all to love - clone soundtrack)

"we can't go on together with suspicious minds" - (elvis presley - suspicious minds)

"and the wonder of it all is that you just don't realize how much i love you" - (eric clapton - wonderful tonight)

"i've got to know is this this the end cuz i've lost everything, don't have no brain" (ain't no use crying - livin blues)

"you know the night time is the right time to be with the one you love" - (night time is the right time - creedence clearwater revival)

"time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much" - (unchained melody - righteous brothers)

"if your baby leaves you and you have a tale to tell just take a walk down to heartbreak hotel" - (heartbreak hotel - elvis presley)

"the way he moved, it was a sin, so sweet and true" (black velvet - alannah myles)

"imagine all the people living for today" (imagine - john lennon)

"i don't have anything since i don't have you" (since i don't have you - guns and roses)

"whatever happened to the fairness in equality" (where is the love - black eyed peas)

"girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try" (thriller - mj)

"i'm the heat inside when rhythm and love collide" (represent cuba - orishas)

"i believe we fear what we don't know" (universal prayer - jamelia)

"little lisa is only 9 years old, she tries to figure out why the world is so cold" (runaway love - mary j blige)

"loneliness, loneliness, it's such a waste of time" (cry to me - solomon burke)

these are just some of the lyrics that had a great impact on me over the years. feel free to add some

2009-07-05T23:51:00.003+03:00

Lepsulet
Posted in Uncategorized on June 29, 2009 by floaredecolt, furat de mine:

1. Luaţi cartea cea mai la îndemână, deschideţi la pagina 18 şi scrieţi aici al patrulea rând:
"Dupa ce iesiram, ii spusei: Ia seama, zic, sa nu cumva sa-ti intre" - Idiotul de Dostoievski

2. Fără să verificaţi cât e ora?

11:40

3. Verificaţi!

11:53

4. Cum sunteţi îmbrăcat?

pantaloni de trening gri si tricou salvati copiii

5. Înainte de a răspunde la acest chestionar, la ce vă uitaţi?
la ultimele postari de pe diverse bloguri

6. Ce zgomot auziţi în afara celui al calculatorului?
the old pair of jeans - fatboy slim

7. Când aţi ieşit ultima dată şi ce aţi făcut cu ocazia respectivă?

la 8 si un pic, am fost la arcade pe lipscani

8. Ce aţi visat ieri noapte?

nu-mi aduc aminte

9. Când aţi râs ultima data?

la terasa

10. Ce aveţi pe pereţii încăperii unde sunteţi?

multe...avizier, post-it-uri, poze cu copii, biblioteca, poster cu havana lounge, oglinda, poster gigant cu south park, 3 poze cu cani de cafea si casete, poster cu festivalul pittis, 2 foi de agenda cu cuvinte fara sens. repet, multe ;)

11. Dacă aţi deveni multimilionar peste noapte, care ar fi primul lucru pe care l-aţi cumpăra?

un bilet de avion pentru taj mahal

12. Care este ultimul film pe care l-aţi văzut?

definetely, maybe

13. Aţi văzut ceva neobişnuit azi?

un tip cu un breton ciudat

14. Ce părere aveţi despre acest chestionar?

e diferit de clasicele lepse :>

15. Spuneţi-ne ceva ce nu ştim încă?

vreau sa ma convertesc; sau macar sa-mi gasesc ceva in care sa cred

16. Care ar fi prenumele copilului dvs. dacă ar fi vorba de o fetiţă?

Priscilla

17. Şi dacă ar fi vorba de un băiat?

Liviu

18. V-ati gândit deja să locuiţi în străinătate?

da, de ceva vreme

19. Ce aţi dori ca Dumnezeu să vă spună când intraţi pe porţile Raiului?

"ti-am zis eu!"

20. Dacă aţi putea schimba ceva în lume (în afară de politică), ce aţi schimba?

africa

21. Vă place să dansaţi?

ador

22. George Bush?

nu-mi place, dar nici nu-mi displace

23. Care a fost ultima chestie pe care aţi văzut-o la televizor?

"date my mom" parca, oricum spalare totala de creier

i like...

2009-05-04T17:02:00.002+03:00

-summer plans
-hot coffee on the way to school
-tried and true friends
-red wine
-taking pictures
-traveling
-being in love
-writing
-history
-children
-really good music
-driving
-shoes
-the unmistakable taste of tequila

wrong approach

2009-04-28T19:35:00.003+03:00

I have done a lot of bad things in my life. I’ve cheated, I've lied, I’ve made a fool out of myself and others, but not until now have I realized that’s the only way to be remembered in a way. I’ve always lived with the impression that I have to do something to change our living world, and I always thought of that "something" to be a nice gesture, something that’s good and inspiring for the human kind. But now it all makes sense. There aren’t a lot of positive grand gestures in history. I mean everybody knows about the two WWs, the holocaust, the nuclear explosions and the latest theaters are the pollution and global warming. How many people know about peace agreements and that in each and every one of them there are articles regarding children’s education and that usually those are never fulfilled? How many people know about the critical situation in Africa where children die of pneumonia - which I had had three times -, filthy water, or even worse - hunger? Can you imagine how it feels to actually die because of starvation? To die tortured because your body is too weak to even try and survive? Well, this happens to children that haven’t even turned 6 yet. When you see or hear about something like that it makes you question God and how can he allow all this suffering in the world. At least, that’s how it made me feel some time ago. Now, I just think it’s not his job to save them from above, but ours to do it from right here. This doesn’t mean I don’t question him harshly about lots of things, but one thing he’s done rightly is the PR. we all know about what’s happening around us. No one can say he’s never heard of such poverty and sickness, but why do we do nothing? How selfish can anyone be not to care about anything but his own well being? I’ve heard lots of people saying "we have to deal with the children in our area first, but god damn it, who helps the far away ones? I don’t know why I’m so close tight to God tonight, but now I’m beginning to understand his idea of Noe and his arch. Only now there are people to be saved or drowned. But then again, who is really entitled to do the choosing? Are we ever gonna change the world by many small gestures that belong to many many men? Or do we need a power from above to drawn us all and start over?

a chance to live

2009-04-16T02:41:00.003+03:00

it`s 2:40 in the morning and i can`t sleep. it`s something on my mind. a man actually, but not that kind of a man that doesn`t call or makes me wonder shit about him. it`s about a great man. you see, for the past few months we`ve been raising money at school for this girl that needs a brain surgery and her operation is scheduled for april 27th. at first, i thought we could never raise 25 ooo euros, but now this feeling seems so far away. not only we did that, but today we`ve been to the mayor`s office and he, without even pausing for a gasp, gave us another 5000. like i was asking him to pass the salt. i didn`t realise it back then, but now i see that these gestures come only with great men. it doesn`t matter if you come from a wealthy family, or if you had the best education in the world, for people in need, it only matters how big your heart really is. he could have made us stalk him, or made our efforts worth the money, but he just thought, for a second only, of the poor girl and said: "come tomorrow for the money". and that was it. and now i wonder, what really takes to be that kind of person? not to think of what else you could have done with the money or is this girl really worth my money? just to give it away hoping that you can improve someone else`s life. and damn straight he did. she`s gonna be just fine. the procedure will go perfectly well, and the recovery will be easy and complete and this girl will have another chance to live. amazing.

Startovers

2009-04-01T19:48:00.000+03:00

Yesterday I got to thinking about startovers. What actually is a start over? People call it a new beginning, a new way of starting your life usually after something has happened that influenced your living in a way. So what happens to the past? Is our life like a written diary? And if so, can we rip the pages and erase the past?

I believe in starting your life again, but I don’t believe in changing who you are. People never change. Even though a part of them changes, it can be the looks of the spirit, but deep down you are and always be who you’ve ever been. People can start doing different things, can change their lifestyle, their friends and habits, people can detoxify, but what I mean is that you can’t become a whole different person over night.

We are tied down to so many things we don’t even realize.

I personally thought I’m not tied to anything until so little time ago. I had this plan of going to UCU and everything seemed so right until all this thoughts came through my mind some night while I was talking to S. and then I realized it all made sense. All that L. said about us starting that dancing club together and me staying in the city for the next couple of years. That’s practically starting a life together. I don’t know what I want to do. I want to study law so much, but also dancing has always meant so much for me. Now I feel like it’s all falling apart…

I wish I could stick to my decisions, but most of the times I change my mind. Not in all matters, but in some I do. And I just want to be sure I’m making the right ones once in a while. But then, can you ever know you made the right decision? Everything is considered to be right, until proven wrong. But then again, how can you always tell the difference between right and wrong? And most important: do you always have to do what’s right?

the longest tag

2009-03-23T16:26:00.005+02:00

My ABC’s…

A
- Available: for now

- Age: 17

- Annoyance: judgmental people, hypocrisy

- Allergic: histamine

- Animal: definitely dog

- Actor: Al Pacino

B
- Beer: Salitos

- Birthday/Birthplace: February 15th, Bucharest

- Best Friends: Cat, Sim, Sal, Ane, Liviu, Paul

- Body Part on opposite sex: ass, eyes

- Best feeling in the world: flying

- Blind or Deaf: none. i couldn’t choose

- Best weather: warm, but cloudy

- Been in Love: every time

- Been bitched out?: hell yeah

- Been on stage?: breathtaking

- Believe in yourself?: I do

- Believe in life on other planets: why not?

- Believe in miracles: in other people lives

- Believe in Magic: there’s magic in everything

- Believe in God: don’t really know now

- Believe in Satan: not really

- Believe in Santa: i believe in Christmas

- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: too much believing. no

- Believe in Evolution: yes, i do

C
- Car: Ford Mustang Shelby

- Candy: I’m a candy gal

- Color: green

- Cried in school: today :P

- Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla chocolate

- Chinese/Mexican: Mexican

- Cake or pie: apple pie

- Countries to visit: don’t have enough space here. I should say...the whole world starting with Ireland, India, Norway, France, England and Africa....

D
- Day or Night: night or morning

- Dream vehicle: definitely Mustang Shelby

- Danced: all my life. Still do

- Dance in the rain?: actually, I did

- Dance in the middle of the street?: that was when I felt the rain on my body

- Do the splits?: I can still do it

E
- Eggs: scrambled

- Eyes: can tell you everything

- Everyone has: lied

- Ever failed a class?: so close

F
- First crush: kindergarden. he was blonde with blue eyes. we used to play mum and dad; i wonder how he looks now

- Full name: Raluca L Gabriela Popescu

- First thoughts waking up: I need coffee, is the water warm or will i shower with cold water again?, do I still have time to walk the dog?, what should I wear?, geez will I make it in time for school?

- Food: I like traditional food

G
- Greatest Fear: spiders

- Giver or taker: giver

- Goals: change something in this enormous world

- Gum: orbit white sweet mint

- Get along with your parents?: questionable, i try to most of the times.

- Good luck charms: raluca necklace

H
- Hair Color: dark brown

- Height: 167 cm

- Happy: as long as I’m on coffee

- Holidays: unique, full of departures, arriving and clothes to wash in the night, time for experiences.

- How do you want to die: of laughing

- Health freak?: I couldn’t. I might be falling apart because of all the practice.

- Hate: don’t like to

I
(In guys/girls)
- Eye color: deep blue/green/brown/dark/grey (the accent in on deep)

- Hair Color: I used to like brunets, but after this summer in Stockholm...

- Height: I’m not sure if it’s a fetish or not, but most of my ex`s were shorter than me

- Clothing Style: can’t describe it. I think quality clothes

- Characteristics: funny, subtitle jokes, spontaneous

- Ice Cream: all over

- Instrument: M

J
- Jewelry: raluca necklace, earrings

- Job: event planner, book corrector

K
- Kids: check

- Kickboxing or karate: karate for 2 years

- Keep a journal?: used to. now I have the blog

L
- Longest Car Ride: don’t remember

- Love: true

- Letter: R

- Laughed so hard you cried: lots of times with this one person

- Love at first sight: once. don’t believe in it though

M
- Milk flavor: plain and chocolate

- Movie: scent of a woman, the notebook

- Mooned anyone?: nope

- Marriage: sounds exciting

- Motion sickness?: cheque

- McD’s or BK: it’s kind of the same for me

N
- Number of Siblings: "Zero,Nothing,Nada,Niente,Nicht,Nimic" [am pastrat asta, e prea tare]

- Number of Piercings: one.

- Number: 12

O
- Overused Phrases: “whoo-ha”, “k-ching”, “lasa, lasa”, “bine”, “ha”

- One wish: UN

- One phobia: spiders

P
- Place you’d like to live: Sweden

- Pepsi/Coke: coke

Q
- Quail: nope

- Questionnaires: not really my type

R
- Reason to cry: nervous breakdown

- Reality T.V.: no

- Radio Station: no

- Roll your tongue in a circle?: I could do that

S
- Song: the night time is the right time - CCR

- Shoe size: 7

- Sushi: coming right up

- Skipped school: more than I should have

- Slept outside: in the countryside

- Seen a dead body?: it hurt

- Smoked?: for some time

- Skinny dipped?: hell yeah

- Shower daily?: twice

- Sing well?: I like to think that

- In the shower?: did too

- Swear?: I tended to a lot for some time

- Stuffed Animals?: no

- Single/Group dates: both

- Strawberries/Blueberries: blueberry

- Scientists need to invent: teleporter, machine to cure cancer

T
- Time for bed: inexistent

- Thunderstorms: perfect time to stay in bed

- Touch your tongue to your nose?: can’t

U
- Unpredictable: try to

- Under the influence?: lately, yes

- Understanding?: as much as i can

V
- Vegetable you hate: green beans

- Vegetable you love: broccoli

- Vacation spot: the world

W
- Weakness: I’m easily hurt by words

- When you grow up: I’ll change the world

- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: don’t quite know

- Who makes you laugh the most: everyone, I’m easily amused

- Worst feeling: rejection

- Wanted to be a model?: couple years ago

- Where do we go when we die: heaven I suppose?

- Worst weather: excessive heat

- Walk with a book on your head?: did that too

X
- X-Rays: only when I need to be fixed

Y
-Year it is now: 2009

-Yellow: reminds me of someone

Z
- Zoo animal: zebra

- Zodiac sign: Aquarius

LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you?: Liviu
2. Last person to see you cry?: Cat
3. Went to the movies with you?: Liviu
4. You went to the mall with?: Sally
5. You went to dinner with?: Simina
6. You talked to on the phone?: Dad
7. Made you laugh?: Cat

The longest tag I ever completed. Sending it to cat, Mihai, Fifi and whoever wants it too.

hope - a drug?

2009-03-18T18:50:00.003+02:00

show us what they want us to see in them. i had this thoughts lately about this world that we`re living in. it`s full of ipocricy and everything seems so superficial. no one seems to show their feelings anymore, they all use a use a mask. it`s either they show us what we want to see, or they just so where`s the head to that? have we all lost our hopes and beliefs? are we really better off without some goal that no one thinks it`s reachable? i got to thinking: what`s the harm in believing?

TAG: what do you believe in?

st patrick`s day

2009-03-17T16:53:00.001+02:00

everything seems so far away. vanished is not a synonim for lost.

*tag from cat

2009-03-15T01:58:00.005+02:00

1. Yourself? Spontaneous.

2. Your boyfriend? N/A right now.

3. Your hair? Long.

4. Your mother? Funny.

5. Your father? Sarcastic.

6. Your favourite item? Dance shoes.

7. Your dream last night? Forgotten.

8. Your favourite drink? Margarita.

9. Your dream car? Mustang Shelby.

10. The room you’re in? Living room.

11. Your ex? closed chapter

12. Your fear? Having children with malformations.

13. What you want to be in 10 years? Jurist and dancer.

14. Who you hung out with last night? Best male friend and his friends.

15. What You’re Not? Fulfilled.

16. Muffins? yes, please.

17. One of Your Wish List Items? Venetian mask.

18. Time? night.

19. The Last Thing You Did? drink wine.

20. What You Are Wearing? training suit.

21. Your Favorite Weather? Warm but cloudy.

22. Your Favorite Book? poirot series.

23. The Last Thing You Ate? hamburger.

24. Your Life? unpredictable.

25. Your Mood? dizzy.

26. Your body? exhausted.

27. What are you thinking about right now? delivery guy.

28. Your car? future car/dream car - mustang shelby.

29. What are you doing at the moment? watching a movie.

30. Your summer? amazing.greece.sweden.seaside.mountains.belgium.

31. What color are your underwear? yellow.

32. What is the weather like? lousy.

33. When is the last time you laughed? a few seconds ago.

34. What is on your tv? old movie.

movie lines part 2

2009-03-12T21:51:00.002+02:00

A very dear friend of mine, which i have never met saw my post and worked for days to get me this. please read and if something sounds familiar, note it. thanks xiko.

say hello to my little friend

kids? sure , why not.....as long as there is a nurse

Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.

Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War Room.

Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.

Go ahead; make my day

you wanna play rough? ok

I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.

If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for

I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore

CHICHI...get the YAYO

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner

Show me the money

Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain't heard nothin' yet

Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

you fuck with me, you fuck with the best!

When you have to shoot -- shoot, don't talk

You've seen a general inspecting troops before haven't you? Just walk slow, act dumb and look stupid.

dancing

2009-03-10T21:27:00.003+02:00

hello blog,

so nice to meet you again. i have news. i think the most important is my going back to dancing. after these 3 months of not dancing at all that ended with my partner breaking his leg leaving him never to dance again, i said i would never dance again either. i don`t want to dance alone anymore and it`s hard enough to find someone perfect in time for the next season so i just said no. i was sad a couple of days, but on saturday i changed my mind. i had a small party and this friend of mine - dancer- asked me when am i coming to practice again and i told him i quit. he said i was stupid. that after all these years, quitting is foolish and that i shouldn`t dance for my partner, i should dance for the way i feel when i dance. and it really touched me ever if i was really dizzy [do not read really drunk]. anyway, i`m nervous, kinda scared, but i`m happy now.

maaan, it`s been a while

2009-03-04T18:45:00.002+02:00

i now started speaking in french with my dog. we get along quite well i suppose, especially when we take the nuit promenade avec simina. now, i know you missed a lot of events in my life, but i`m not going to go back in time and live them again through this text. show must go on. [no matter what]

i`ll be back with fresh information

the notebook

2008-12-28T01:33:00.003+02:00

who ever said "love story" is the greatest love movie ever made is wrong. not even "jeux d`enfants" counts. the most incredible love story ever pictured is "the notebook". i can truly say that`s the kind of love i`m looking for. my friend said it does not exist in reality, but i believe it does. my soulmate has to believe too. i want to have that kind of love in my life. maybe not now, but i don`t want to die not knowing how it feels. those of you who`ve seen the movie, tell me i`m wrong. rest of you, please don`t die before watching it.

["The most beautiful description of boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl, then loses her again. It's how every person wants to be loved one day." Nickie , Resident Scholar ]

probably my longest post [definetely my longest post]

2008-12-24T21:17:00.000+02:00

R: provocare

R: hai sa vb numai in citate din filme

C: hai sa nu

R: I beg your indulgence, Anthony

R: And life is for the alive, my dear / So let's keep living it.

C: This is how u do it in my neightborhood, b****h"

C: The years, no doubt, have changed me, sir

R: Sir, it's too good, at least.

C: I am your father, Luke"

C: Oh my god, I'm pregnant

R: I have you now!

R: I wonder if he's related to Ben.

R: We have an emergency alert in detention block AA-23.

R: Surely he must be dead by now.

C: false alarm.

R: Go back to your playpen, Baby.

C: A martini, 3 of vodka, ice shaken not stiirred

R: I won't tell your mother about this.

C: Don't lie to me Julia

R: Now, you'll hurt me if you don't trust me, all right?

C: Trust me....it's all i'm asking from you.

R: Johnny, what are you doing?

C: So, uh, what are we saying here? If we save LA from a nuclear bomb, then you and I can get together for dinner and a movie?

R: Oh, yes, as a matter of fact it is.

C: Would you like a muffin?

R: What do you mean, and fight the bossman?

C:You'll have to kill him, no mistakes

R: Sure Neil. No problem. We'll end the season with the pachenga.

C: Don't ever use the butt of pistol as a weapon!

R: I'll give you anything you ask.

R: Let them suffer then. As she suffers. How much shall I pay you?

C: Thank ya, honey.

R: I ask you for justice

C: Three dollars and sixty-eight cents.

R: Let me think about it. We'll see.

R: What's the matter? What's bothering you? I'll handle it. I told you I can handle it, I'll handle it.

C: This isn't some cheap video prop

R: Please don't do this to me, Mike. Please don't.

C: Merry Christmas, you filfhy animal

R: Go on. Get out of my sight.

R: Why come to me? What have I done to deserve such generousity?

C: Being red with pointy ears doesn't make me a devil, being a bastard does!

R: I said that I would see you because I had heard that you were a serious man.

C: Only if your idea of bliss is to forget everything about yourself: your favorite color! your lover!

R: First of all, you're all done.

R: Mike, you're wrong.

C: What does that mean?

R: Things could get rough with the move we're making.

C: What do you mean you liberated a lobster?

R: But there are reasons why you must have nothing to do with what's going to happen.

R: In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns.

C: Please listen to me, we don't have to fight. You have the power to end it here and stop what you are doing.

C: Monsieur Bert, I understand that she has had some dealings with the mafia.

R: Now you listen to me, you smooth-talking son-of-a-bitch. Let me lay it on the line for you and your boss, whoever he is

C: The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars

R: Let's listen to the song

R: That's a true story.

C: he blombleebleh to the bleebleebluhhh. It's lies isnt it? Thats all lies!

R: No, no, no, not this time

C: You know what they say. Lies are just friends you haven't met.

R: You're taking this very personal.

R: And they might like a story like that.

C: I make the fabulous... I make the crap into credible. I make the dull into..

R: Two terms. One in Italy and one here.

C: Wouldn't you rather just fuck me and never know?

C: You'll be a fugitive. You'll be exhalt from Venice for the rest of your life.

R: Goddamn it Phil, I said take him in!

R: I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can be careless. But not men.

R: What's the matter with you. Is this how you turned out?

C: I'm not dead. If I were dead I wouldn't be able to look you in the eye and tell you, you are screwing up again.

R: I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

C: Jail cell design hasn't changed much in centuries, has it?

R:You want me to hang around?

C: Maybe you should go home

R: Bonasera... Bonasera.

R: Are you a pro?

C: Ciao, Dad.

C: Is your pussy taking all the risk?

R: Were you ever engaged in any sadomasochistic activity?

C: She's your pimp, baby, and she will mess you up if you play her

R: Killing isn't like smoking. You can stop.

R: You like playing games don't you?

C: The good part is - no more blood. The bad part is - no more sleep.

R: I'd have to be pretty stupid to write a book about killing and then kill him the way I described in my book. I'd be announcing myself as the killer. I'm not stupid

R:Everyone that she plays with dies.

C: Stupid! All of ya! Plain stupid!

C: Would you like it if others laughed at YOUR misfortune, hmm? Maybe we should find out!

R: Oh, why don't you get one of those friendly therapists and work out all that hostility.

R: This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

R: Only after disaster can we be resurrected.

C: Do you have a light?

R: look at me... or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn.

R: I's not my problem.

R: Sit.

C: Piss off, little witches.

R: It's getting exciting now

C: They can do what they like with them.

R: Three pitchers of beer, and you still can't ask.

R: I felt like destroying something beautiful.

C: I've been offered candy bars and nylons

C: Cotton candy?

R: The things you own end up owning you.

C: Cotton candy?

R: Surprise me.

R: I'd fight Gandhi.

C: Some people just want to see the world burn.

R: How's that working out for you?

R: here are things about you that I like. You're smart, you're funny, you're... spectacular in bed... But you're intolerable! You have very serious emotional problems. Deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help.

C: 'll put it over here, in case you change your mind.

R: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

C: Then you are a little mad..

C: Of course I'm mad you shot me in the ass! and I'll never forgive you okay? There.

R: You're not getting this back. I consider it asshole tax.

C: No! I hate you, Thomas Jefferson! I don't know who I am anymore! You can't be my father!

R: I am Jack's raging bile duct.

C: It sounds like a bladder infection.

R: It's a comforter..

C: You'll have to come back, if you want to tell him what you want for Christmas.

R: Right

C: Did it ever occur to you that I don't want to stop?

R: I am enlightened.

C: That's short for bullshit.

R: Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision: you find this, what would you do?

C: We told them that if the Queen was having a party, that Nursie always goes as a cow. From that moment, he was doomed. All we had to do was escape, return, and kill the cow.

R: Huh?

C: Well there must be a logical explanation about those stories.

R: know it seems like I have more than one side sometimes...

R: Deja vu - all over again.

R: 'll bring us through this. As always

C: You are a beyoodiful lyedee, but what a cow.

R: Do not... fuck with us.

C: I don't give a damn.

R: Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films.

C: This is not one of your stupid action movies, Tony.

R: What? Do you mean did I think we were just having sex or making love?

R: You said you would definitely say that.

R: We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need

C: Hey, all women shit, women are full of shit.

R: I wish I could return the favor.

R: You wanna see pain? Swing by First Methodist Tuesday nights. See the guys with testicular cancer. That's pain.

C: Oh, come on, how dumb do you think I am?

C: No pain, no gain

R: Like so many others, I had become a slave to the Ikea nesting instinct.

R: What are you talking about?

C: You just won 365 more days in your Ikea-furnished closet.

C: Nah, that thing's too heavy to..

R: shoot you too. You're life's finished anyway.

C: Excuse me guys, I can feel a second coming.

R: What? You givin' me an ultimatim?

C: You're either dead or you're not dead.

R: Oh don't get cute now.

C: Hey, Frank, wake up! You're not allowed to sleep through the topical meeting.

R: Women! What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a fuckin' genius.

C: Hey boss, don't you have some kind of weird thing about women and sawdust?

R: I'm givin' ya pearls here.

C: You're tired. I should let you sleep.'

R: Then do it. You wanna do it? Do it. Let's go

R: So give up. You wanna give up? Give up 'cause I'm giving giving up too.

C: I like working with you, Chase; you're a nice kid.

C: Well, I can't take it anymore. I quit!

R: C'mon you miserable blind motherfucker let's do it.

C: The situation could get out of control, me leaving and all.

R: When in doubt... fuck.

C: Sir, I'm gonna say this as politely as possible: I will fuck you up.

R: It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you.

C: ou know Booth, uh, is a really good guy.

R: Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

C: Apparently it's the most miserable, depressing place you've ever seen in your life.

C: You've reached the end, Wesley.

R: We didn't see anything!

C: This time you've reached the end of your rope.

R: We could...

C: Cause I'm dying, dumbass.

R: You wanna make a federal case of it?

C: No, let's leave them wanting more!

C: The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.

R: When I was a kid, Joe, I used to have a dream

C: Maybe you'll freak out about it in a few days.

R: It's me, Sugar!

R: But I might spill some.

R: This may even turn out to be better

C: Your turn to go, pro, give me your best shot.

R: Even the most miserable life is better than a sheltered existence in an organized society where everything is calculated and perfected.

R: We're missing something.

C: Excuse me, is this the secret hideout of the Gestapo?

R: That's not necessarily bad news.

C: Whanna' come back to what it was?

R: Is there any risk of brain damage?

C: I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this.

R: It's been suggested.

C: No, I don't think so. But your dad is going to try to find her a home.

R: I don't know. I felt like a scared little kid. I was like... it was - it was above my head. I don't know.

C: We'll do whatever we can to make it easier for him, I promise.

C: I promise, I'll make this up to you. And you look... amazing.

R: Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can.

R: By morning, you'll be gone.

C: I'm doing my BEST! What do you want? Prozzie jokes?

R (12/22/2008 01:23:35): Please let me keep this memory, just this one.

2008-12-19T22:59:00.001+02:00

i was thinking of posting a statement on my blog for 12 hours and see if the person it reffers to will see it. but i think i am too scared to do that yet.

2008-12-09T18:20:00.002+02:00

Christmas is coming so i bought this little thingie to put in my tree. of course, it`ll stay on my desk, but i think it`s fabulous: Christmas and coffee in the same entity. soooo fucking fabulous!!!!

2008-12-05T23:09:00.000+02:00

sugar plumhouse

the heart

2008-12-02T17:42:00.002+02:00

I have read on Paulo`s blog what he thinks about the heart and also some comments to his post. the most impressive one was a quote -it doesn`t say whom it belongs- that goes like this: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye".

I think this in an outrageous saying, it shouts love with every letter. why everytime we have to take a big decision in our lovelife and we choose something wrong we blame ourselves for using our heart instead of our brains? why must all good choises come from our brain? i believe life is trying us out and that`s why we are so often put in this kind of situations. and if so, is fate the one that guides through our choices? or do we really choose with our heart/brains? things have gone this way because nowadays we cannot afford to do anything wrong, people aren`t that understanding anymore. so we live with the fear of failing and that`s why we always have second thoughts.

i would really like to find out the recipe to happiness, true love and unregrettable actions. maybe that way i`ll understand better what`s going out in this world that we`re living. until then, so help me god.

pre 2009 post

2008-12-01T18:00:00.002+02:00

30 days until new year. this can mean two things: we have little time to do whatever we said we`ll do this year, or enaugh time to endure, before we can make new changes in our lives. i have plenty of things to do, but also can`t wait this year to be over so that i can make new plans, and follow new dreams. another new year without a date. why does it mean so much if you kiss someone at that particular moment? cuz right now, i don`t really know. it is said that you will stick together with that person that year, but even i believe that is bullshit. maybe the effect of mistletoe is different. that helped me keep somethig, but not a relationship. and i am trying to define that 'something' for a couple of years now. i wonder what `ill do next year. will i bungee jump, will i get a 10 in maths, will i fall in love? or these are just unattainable things? for instance, this year i said i`ll go and meet Xiko, but i didn`t do that, and i don`t have enaugh time to do that now. i also said i`ll go to italy for my lover. that also didn`t happen. and i am happy because of that, this way i can stick to my beautiful memories. i said i wanted to fly and thank god i`ve flyed eight times this year. i also said i`ll read shakespeare and that i`ll be happy, i said i wanted to be an amazing volunteer for save the children and look how all these turned out. i also found myself a dance partner. i am tremendously grateful for all these things that i manadged to accomplish. there is only one thing that`s still racking my brain: the 11th task on my list was "to love" [and i was referring to truly, unselfish, faithful love]. well, that didn`t turned out ok also [see thursday, october 23 ] and i wonder: do i still have enaugh time? or what`s already done is forever?

wishlist

2008-11-28T21:22:00.005+02:00

I`m not really sure about how to make this post a separate item on my blog, but I`ll do it soon. Until then I want to make this post so I won`t forget anything. (some are for Christmas, some are for my birthday, some are for me to buy in time). Check it out.

1. Dublin (C. and me)

2. that necklace from Tiffany`s

3. ipod earphones

4. nina simone

5. Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec postcards

6. shoes (sneakers and manolo`s)

7. the notebook

8. bag

9. venetian mask

10. travel mug

11. bambi

12. map of the world

diary entry

2008-11-26T18:44:00.002+02:00

Today I woke up with my mum’s voice whispering “you should probably get out of bed, it's 6:20”, as in 4 hours and 20 minutes late. I was supposed to study before daylight. I panicked, I cursed, I tried to make the morning go away, but then I asked for coffee and hit for the bathroom. The water in the shower was barely warm; I couldn't find anything nice to wear, no time for breakfast, no time for make up. I called my friend, we met up and literally ran to school.

First class, not so relevant; the second one pretty interesting. I was supposed to take my final in physics today, but she decided to ruin my perfectly thought plans. We all had a test paper and messed up. Then she told me to go to 11^th C and take my final with them. I agreed, but ended taking my biology test that time. No one was pleased, not even me.

Penultimate class, physics again, but no final. She had nothing prepared for me. I got really pissed off and I yelled that I’ll change my major I went back to my place. After a couple of minutes, she approached and in a very ungraceful manner, handed me a paper and told me “go to the first desk, will you?”. I was furious, but still, I said nothing. I won't have very good results in this one, but I’ll definitely complain to my headmaster about her, especially after she tried another malicious move. Too bad for her, she had no clue who she was dealing with.

To end this whole school stuff, I got home and got to thinking about Christmas holidays. I love Christmas. The whole Santa Claus concept, the gifts, the cards, the candy and the cinnamon smell, everything.

[to be continued later this night]

What is happiness?

2008-11-17T11:02:00.009+02:00

I do realize I'm neither the first nor the last person to ask this question. People all over the world have answered it so many times in so many different ways and will continue doing that until the end of being.

I personally know what happiness is, I've lived it a couple of times, but I can't put it in words for you to understand. I think the definition of happiness varies from one person to another. I've done my homework about happiness and I've heard people defining it from “comfortable shoes” to “a clean MRI on a brain scan”.

I guess, I measure mine in precious, unique, never to come back moments. I like the saying “Carpe Diam” and every time I get the chance to do that I feel amazing. Again, I could say that, from my own point of view, happiness is the most amazing feeling anyone can get in a lifetime. What I mean is that every other feeling that you consider important might be included in the large term of ‘happiness’.

Of course, love is the other very powerful feeling that we more than once get during our living. And nothing compares to love, but again, you can love and be miserable. So, I need to make a correction in my statement: happiness is the most amazing feeling anyone can get in a lifetime, only if it’s followed by love.

I also heard about this American psychologist, Martin Seligman, which found an equation for happiness. He said it equaled the sum of genetics, circumstances and voluntary control. It may be so, it may be not. I don't really think there’s an equation or logical reason for everything. Some things are just meant to be. And if for someone there are all the small things that make them happy, then be it. You can't expect happiness just from the greatest happenings. That's the main wrong idea that the world has.

I myself feel happy when I listen to the music I love, when I travel around the world, when I'm with people that I care for, when I drink coffee.

Tag

2008-11-07T11:46:00.006+02:00

1.If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?

If I loved him, I would be heartbroken, but i would live. If I loved him enough I would probably forgive him, but I couldn`t possibly share anything with him. If I wouldn`t love him, i wouldn`t care. I would just dump him. But then why would I be in a relationship with someone I didn`t love?

2. If you have a dream you’d like to come true, what is it?

Work at the UN.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?

Toader`s.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

I would travel all over the world.

5. Will your best friend always be your best friend?

Always have, always will.

6. Have you ever been in love with 2 people at once?

Nope.

7. How long would you wait for someone you really loved?

All my life, if I knew he would love me back a billion times than I do.

8. If you won the lottery, would you quit the job?

Not really, but I would get a job where I can do what I really like. Maybe I would become a writer.

9. Who is on your celebrity top 5 … you know, the ones … that if you ever had an opportunity …

Umm.. Hugh Grant, Pierce Brosnan (if he was younger), Mick Jagger (anytime, anyplace), Paul Walker and Ryan Gossling.

10. What sucks the life out of you?

Besides Toader...umm..Toader in his bad days...

Well...maybe failing in something..

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?

Married with 12 kids...not really..i don`t really know, somewhere abroad..studying or working in Geneve.

12. What is your greatest fear?

Spiders...and having a child with malformations

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

Well, she`s my best friend so I could think of a million things to say about her, but I think I`ll stick to deep down, she`s a good girl..

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?

I think married but poor, but that only if I was happy...it`s not worh living if you`re single, not even if you`re rolling in money

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

Brush my teeth and pour some coffee in my mug for later.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?

I definetely would, IF I loved my mate.

17. Is your career vitally important to you?

Of course, it represents my entire future.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing someone has done?

It depends on what that thing was, and on who that person was.

19. Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?

It`s nothing prefferable here, everything is questionable.

20. I`m sending this to Fifi, Laura.

2008-10-24T22:33:00.001+03:00

feelin like crap. i blew it.

2008-10-23T17:34:00.002+03:00

i am so fucked up. it`s like i can never be happy. why can`t i fall in love? why for God`s sake? it`s not like i can find a perfect guy every day. but i have to be soooo fucked up!! i hate X for making me love him so much. he was the one i ever loved and i would`ve given my alll to him. but he was a fool. and now i am the fool because i can`t fall in love. i wish i could. but this is the thing with love. it never comes after a while. either it`s there, either it`s not. i could say right now, that i wish i hadn`t met X, but the thing is...he helped me grow up. he helped me become who i am now. but he also made me do awful things. today i broke a heart and a half. and it wasn`t because of him. i can`t blame him. he represents my distant past. it`s because i`m so fucked up. i thought that i would feel better after i ended that. better as in not so guilty anymore. but i don`t. a piece of my heart broke today at noon. i gave it away. i hope for safe keeping. but the thing is, this time i have no way back. i can`t keep playing with feelings. i can`t mess around with people. i`m so fucked up. man, i would`ve been so happy. i just...i don`t have words to express what i feel now. this will hunt me a while. and it`s all my fault. so i blame me. cuz i`m so fucked up.

2008-10-21T22:57:00.005+03:00

i never thought i would do such a thing. i don`t think i can do this after all.

cheating

2008-10-18T22:36:00.004+03:00

how can cheating be so hurtful? how is it that when your beloved one cheats on you you feel so empty and betrayed? what is love turning all of us into? the act of cheating reffers mostly to having sex with someone other than your lover. but sometimes, it is also an expression for gealousy. you don`t really reffer to sex, but you think of another person for your lover. someone that could make him happy. maybe happier than you could make him. you kind of panic. and that is the proof that feeling scared usually makes you do stupid and irrational thing. so i`m thinking: is gealosy the reason for the other one to feel safe cheating? how do you feel when your lover sais he`s working late and you know he`s not, when he pretends to be in a place and he`s not? and you know that because you`ve been there. the moment you walk out that place where he was supposed to be, you keep asking yourself so many questions, you can`t even follow them in your head. everything is suddently so scary. and you can`t call your lover to come hold you, you try to smile but you are faking. you never thought he was the cheating type. but you can never know. i always said a man cheats if his woman couldn`t make him desire only her. but sometimes, women do make mistakes. they tend to freak out once in a while. at least that`s what i do. but i want to fix this, because i am not the only one in this position and i want to be able to write about not having any worries in the world. i want to think of cheating as something people do when not in love. and therefore, it couldn`t be called cheating. it`s not like i`ve been always faithfull, but not when i was in love. if you really love somone, you are not able to cheat. believe me, i`ve tried. i`ve tried to cheat so many times, and i couldn`t. i couldn`t even when i should have. [i can`t get a conclusion from this post]

PS: I love you...

2008-10-14T22:56:00.006+03:00

I love to love. It`s such an amazing feeling to love something or someone no matter what. To know for sure they will always be available for you. It gives you a safety feeling and makes you want to stay close all the time. I wish i could say this plain and simple but i can`t. Because love isn`t simple. Actually, most of the times, it`s very complicated. So you can`t really say if love is a pleasant or an unpleasant feeling. Everyone gets hurt. It`s just a matter of time. And you usually get hurt because someone couldn`t love you. Someone couldn`t commit to what you wanted and give you their all. But what if you are that someone? What if you`re the one that can`t fall in love? What if you loved someone that much that you tend to compare everyone else with that person? Always have, always will. You don`t want to be the bad guy, you just want to be happy and live, love, laugh. But let`s face it. Love is never ever ever simple. And saying "i love you" always majes it harder. Because saying this feels awkward for the other one especially if you`re in an early stage in your relationship. You can`t say "i love you" just to make the other one feel good. You have to really mean it. And when I say "to love someone" i mean to give your all to that person. To feel like you live from the air they breathe, to choke when they hold breath and to be born again when you look them in the eyes. So basically, if you are the one saying it, you must mean it, that if you know what love really is. If you are the one receiving it, that can mean two things. One: you have never thought of this before and now you realise you don`t know why you haven`t said it first; or two: you are very well aware you haven`t said it yet and you have a good reason for that. Maybe you don`t love that someone. But maybe you do. Maybe you just don`t know what you feel and all that pressuring with "i love you" all the time isn`t helping. What i mean is that you can say "i love you" very easily, but the most difficult part is when you really mean it. And most of the times, the speach goes like this: "i love you", "i love you too". So, if you don`t feel like saying that yet you can`t really say "thanks" or "i`m charmed". The receiver always has the thougher part. That`s why you should be the one to say it first.

2008-10-11T23:42:00.002+03:00

älskar dig

the "dast" curse

2008-10-10T21:54:00.004+03:00

this is one of my most miserable days, one of those days when nothing, but nothing at all goes the way you want it. i`m losing my minds. i need something, but i don`t know what. precisely 9 days ago i got scared i couldn`t do it, i couldn`t fall in love. that was my biggest fear since "dast". but even though it took me a while, i now know that i can stop fearing that. i feel like sharing something with someone. and i think i`ve found my someone. now i really want to see what that something is. the only question is: will i always have the "dast" curse in my heart?

2008-10-09T23:07:00.004+03:00

*just for the record: it was that day*

now, someone told me once that there is no such a thing as a good day. there are only bad days with some good events. i thought the contrary. i thought there were only good days with bad happenings, but maybe he was true. today i woke up to go to school, but i was too sick to do that. so i stayed home. for breakfast i had some calcium, and two cigarettes. later on i had some coffee and some more medicines and then i took a nap. what a day. when i woke up i was feeling way much better so i took a walk with my dog and then i went to meet my dance partener. we had some (more) coffee, had a few smokes and then...practice. i almost fainted because i was still sick and he was very exhausted. the place we`re dancing right now is a very filthy, small and poky room somewhere at the basement of a school. then i realised. every single moment is unique. is not like i`m ever gonna experience that again, or i`m gonna feel that sick in that room. i realised i miss my lover. i realised that i`m happy. so we payed for 5 lessons for the weekend. i love what i`m living right now.

hoy es adios

2008-10-07T18:12:00.002+03:00

i love santana. this song of his says something like ''Hoy es adios, Mańana quizás, Sé que tu vas a volver'' which means today is bye bye, tomorrow perhaps...i know you will come back to me''. and maybe perhaps...

2008-09-26T16:42:00.003+03:00

i was just speaking to a friend of mine and she showed me her status on messenger...it was kind of a joke in it, but it was about loving someone that much that it might become against the law. so, the first thing that got through my mind that time was this: "i wanna be the air you breathe when you choke" and i put it as my status. that`s because me and some pals, we had this conversation over in brusells about chocking (yeah, i know) and i figured how important must be that breath when you have to save your life. i had my breathe to give away, but there was no one to choke i could have given it back then. maybe i will use this sometime in the future. until then i want to write about some other important things that come through my mind right now. like college. i want to get into college somewhere abroad. my dream college is princeton, and i am starting studying this saturday. i hope for the best. my other choice is the university of amsterdam.
now, except for college, lovelife and and other crap, i wanna do a fundraising for the people in africa. but, i don`t want something at my school or in a local group. i want something big. something that could really make a change. and i don`t really have an amazing plan right now, but i will make one. another thing i want to do is a tour of my city. i want to visit it like i was a touris here and i want to take pictures of small things that i think could define my city and i will post them on facebook. so basically, for now, i only have dreams and desires. nothing concrete.

post mai vechi, de pe un alt site

2008-09-24T19:51:00.001+03:00

a fact Sep 13, 2007 1:02 AM

Iubirea este o maligna a creierului. Cu care traiesti sub presiune, dar fara de care esti tampit. Simplu. Trebuie sa iubesti ca sa poti respira. Respiri ca sa iti oxigenezi trupul. Iti oxigenezi trupul ca sa nu mori. Nu mori pentru ca te iubesti pe tine. Si asta e dragoste neconditionata. Asadar, iubesti pentru tine. Iubesti pentru a-ti salva viata.

desire

2008-09-24T18:37:00.008+03:00

it`s the same always undecided me, the girl that only wants what she can`t get and if she gets something she might have wanted, she`s suddenly not interested anymore.

yesterday i had something new in my life. something i used to skip every time. i had a very good time, but something wasn`t right. maybe because i wasn`t familiar with this kind of things, or maybe i just made the wrong decision. i really don`t think so, but lately i am not sure about anything. every time things worked out faster and we got what we wanted like instantly. then it was all forgotten. so this now, is usually the time when i back off because i get scared of my choices. this is the time i feel weak and vulnerable and i need someone to help me make the right decision. i get scared of routine and boringness. i need the strong arms to push me to a wall and show me this is the right thing to do. it`s not only the cheesy conversation and the funny stuff that make me chose. i am also looking for "the look" and the attraction. it`s like buying a box of chocolates. you like them cuz they`re chocolates and cuz they have pretty wrappings, but what if you don`t like the taste? or the other way around. you like the taste, but they have wrappings that don`t make you feel desire. this is what i`m looking for, cuz i don`t believe in love at first sight. it only happened once, and that was my all. if i could get that now, would it make me go back to that feelings?

make a difference

2008-08-27T01:38:00.002+03:00

Everyday I ask myself some questions. What to wear, where to go, what must I do today, what will I do today…but the most important question that comes at the end of everyday is ‘what have I done today to be proud?’. It`s a question which’s answer influences my living and my future days. It's easy to say what you had for breakfast, but it's not that easy to live a day thinking you should do things right every time so that you can be proud of who you are at the end of the day. Today, I woke up early and walked my dog more than usual and I feel proud of that. It may not sound that much of a big deal to you, but it did to me. Because he was truly happy, and I could tell that. I love my dog, and I love the feeling I get after doing something for him. It's the same with others. I'm happy if I made someone happy with my behaving or if I know I helped someone improve their lives through my actions. There are days when I do things I know from the beginning I will not be proud of. Why do I do them anyway? Because I'm still a child and I want to experiment. I want to feel things on my own in order to understand them completely and have the power to reveal them to others. I guess the worst day you can have is a day when you did nothing. I think that kind of day is a lost day. It's waste of energy, time and air. People die every day, people die every time we blink. They die of cancer and aids and pneumonia, but most of them die of small and stupid diseases like colds or diarrhea. Hundreds of people die everyday of hunger. Of course, we can`t imagine how that is because we have never put ourselves in the position of wondering what will we eat the next meal, or the next day. We can actually stop some of those deaths if we get involved somehow for the world, for the people that need us. There are plenty of organizations out there, just waiting for someone to take the lead, to shout a suggestion, to want to make a difference. Each day I'm trying my best to be that someone that will make a difference someday with just a whisper.

the countryside feeling

2008-08-24T22:46:00.001+03:00

The great thing when I come to the countryside is that I am a totally different person. I make all these plans about my future when I'm here. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. But I cannot know that until I feel them on my skin. The thing is, that sometimes, I do crazy things when I’m here. I can’t tell the difference between dream and reality and I turn out doing stupid things. Like bad things that do nothing than to confuse me and hurt me. Even though I've grown up now and I try to avoid these kind of things, some of them just happen. Anyhow, what I was meaning to reach in this post is that divine feeling that I get when I come here. It`s a mix between calm, comfort and anxiety. It's a feeling that makes you wanna climb the Everest, fly to the sun, reach the stars and everything. I'm beginning to be poetic right now. The main point is that I always have great plans for when I get home, like now for instance. I'm leaving home in a couple of hours and I already have a million things to do when I get there. Keep your fingers crossed for me, cuz I want to be the change I wish to see in the world.

change the world

2008-08-24T22:44:00.000+03:00

The most important thing in a teen`s life is growing up. When we are young, all we think about is how to grow up faster, we try to think and act as a grown up. And what we don`t understand is why our parents and grandparents keep telling us much they loved it when they were kids, and how they would like to be in the 6th grade again. For me growing up is a phenomena you can`t tell when happening. If I look back in time and I see myself in the 6th grade I remember a child, if I look back in time two years ago, I see a child, if I look back in time yesterday I still see the child. You see, for me, every day means learning new things about myself, about life, about writing the future. Mine and others`. The most important goal for myself in life is to make a difference. To change the world in a way. It may be a very minor change, but if that change improved someone`s life even a bit, to me it`s enough. Like Mahatma Gandhi said: “you must be the change you wish to see in the world”. I want to be that change. And so far, I think my only chance to do what I said is through Save the Children. I now know for sure that whatever I will do with my life, both study and work, that I will continue with Save the Children for the rest of my life.

this is me

2008-07-18T10:03:00.002+03:00

tic-tac. minesweeper. amor amor by cacharel. rumba. coffee. laugh. the look. smile. passion. dreams. music. travel. experience. converse. green. sweet. winter. shoes. cars. speed. candles. mint chocolate. seaside. running. tears of joy. water. photos. writing. colours. dog. dance. ipod. internet. rollerblades. cereal. pool. twelve. margarita. rain. cookies. reading. princeton. ice cream. nokia E61i. trenches. event planning. coffee mugs. wine. scent of a woman. old blues. perfect. sunglasses. elvis. tea. tickets. history. labels. greek. lighters. spontaneity. english. tiara. hair gel. glitter. swarovski. tattoo. plane. sun. dresses. danger. love.

soulmate

2008-06-30T18:06:00.003+03:00

yesterday i got to thinking about soulmates. do they exist? and if so, how can you tell? a friend of mine said that she believes in soulmates and that there are more than one for each and everyone of us. but the funny part is that in romanian soulmate is translated like a pair of souls. and if so, a pair is formed by two parts. one is always you, and the other one...how can it be divided into many? she than said: it`s like a puzzle, more than one piece can fit. and i agree with that, but only one fits perfectly. now it`s not like i`m the wishing for one perfect guy in my life, i`m just asking myself some questions. as for me, i think every guy was perfect because i`m the type of girl looking for love. real love. ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. and when i have doubts about that, i let go. i like having fun once in a while, but deep down i wonder all the time.

my first weding

2008-06-28T14:34:00.003+03:00

today i had my first wedding. as an event planner, not as a bride ;) i had the oportunity to see Capsa Hotel on the inside and i was over-excited about everything. one thing bothered me. i saw the waiters` secrets. there is a big diffecence between what we see when we go to a restaurant and what hides behind the good looks. men in shorts were called to be waiters and while speaking on the phone and sitting with their butts on the table they were folding up napkins. i had quite a shock, but my boss said this ones were pretty stylish. anyway, i got to do a lot of stuff. all the tables and chaires needed decoration, we had place cards and candy for all the guests...so basically, i`m feeling a little tired and i think i`ll go lie down a bit.

Nirvana

2008-06-27T23:39:00.002+03:00

Buddhists know nothing about this feeling. what i feel now comapares to nothing in the world. it`s not a crush, it`s a feeling that tells me this is it. it`s everything to me.

ice cream

2008-06-26T23:15:00.002+03:00

I asked a friend to tell me the first word that comes into her mind so that i can do something with my blog again. and there you go it, it was ice-cream. what can i say about ice cream? i like it because it`s flavoured. i usually eat it in the winter because in the summer it melts almost instantly. this brings new stuff to my mind. like all the good things that come to an end. what i mean is that you find something that you like, but you`re not sure, you take some time to think about it and the minute you are completely positive that it`s your thing for the rest of your life, something happens and it vanishes. i experienced something like this last saturday and now i can`t stop thinking about it. similar stuff had happened to me many times before, but this time it was different, it was fistouka. and to make this whole post complete, i have to mention that i had a talk to my last happening and he was ok. the fabulous city was fine, and i mentioned i`m not going to italy this year. everything is fine. me is fine.

entirely changed

2008-06-25T23:49:00.002+03:00

This is like a real important post to me. i have decided to change my blog into english, so that i can share it with some other people and say more things than usual. i was a difficult time for me considering i haven`t written anythig since march - i think- but now i`m back with fresh information. i have a new perception about life. i think i wiser now, but not because i`m older. i have learned a lot of things about myself and i am ready to share them with the world.
i like to travel.
i can`t quit smoking.
i like being in love.
i need to be more organised and this new job is really helping me.
i really want to go to sweeden and i shall do whatever it takes for me to get there.
i want to get into princeton.
i will improve my dancing.
i need to be taken care of.
i like big events.
i want to buy more clothes and shoes.
i want not to lose any friends.
i need to continue with all the dreaming.
i just want to be happy.

2008-05-13T23:59:00.002+03:00

cacat. nu mai pot sa scriu nimic. s-a terminat. plec in suedia

post insipid

2008-05-03T22:20:00.002+03:00

opaaa...nu am mai scris de foarte mult timp pe blog. si cand spun foarte chiar ma refer la mult timp. cred ca ultimul meu post a fost o leapsa pe care am facut-o in lipsa de inspiratie pt ceva grandios. ei bine, nu pot promite asa ceva pt fiecare articol ce va urma, dar mi-am propus sa citesc o poezie in fiecare zi. mi-am propus sa citesc si sa comentez versurile lui Reiner Maria Rilke. vreau sa incerc sa gasesc o legatura intre ce gandea el cand a scris poezia si ce se intampla in viata mea cotidiana.

2008-03-26T10:36:00.005+02:00

"Leapsa
1. Pune Winamp-ul pe shuffle.
2. Apasă forward pentru fiecare întrebare.
3. Foloseşte titlul melodiei pentru răspuns, chiar dacă nu are sens. NU TRIŞA!
4. Scrie cu bold întrebările şi răspunsurile, apoi comentează modul în care răspunsul se potriveşte cu întrebarea.
5. Dă-l mai departe la 5 persoane. "

Sa vedem... :D

1. Cum te simţi azi?
R: Groove Amanda - Sex and the city theme
Haha. Inceputul chiar e misto. Ziua de azi suna promitator.

2. Vei ajunge departe în viaţă?
R: Tracy Dawn - You deserve to be loved
Haha again. Ce inseamna asta? :> E totusi sowndtrack-ul din Sweet November

3. Cum te văd prietenii tăi?
R: Paul Anka - Crazy love
Nu cred ca Paul Anka ar trebui sa intre la quiz-uri dinastea. Si totusi, pentru cine cunoaste muzica lui intelege de ce il ador atat :X

4. Te vei căsători vreodată?
R: Arctic Monkeys - When the sun goes down
:))))) asta suna promitator rau :)))

5. Care e povestea vieţii tale?
R: Aguilera, lil`kim, mya, pink - lady marmelade
hmm... voulez-vous coucher avec moi? .....je ne sais pas si je veux :>
si nu, povestea vietii mele nu se rezuma la atat

6. Cum era în liceu?
R: Vama - Pe sarma
clar...n-am cuvinte

7. Cum poti avansa în viaţă?
R: Eric Clapton - Key to the highway
pai..melodia asta e una din melodiile alea care te ambitioneaza...si de fiecare data cand ascult ma imaginez pe autostrada ssoarelui in touareg-ul sau x5-ul meu :X

8. Care e cel mai fain lucru la prietenii tăi?
R: John Lee Hooker - 1 bourbon, 1 scotch, 1 beer
primul gand, evident, curvarasaie =)))))))))

9. Ce se preconizează pentru weekend?
R: The Roots feat Cody Chestnutt - The seed
nu inca. vreau mai mult de 9 luni sa ma hotarasc daca vreau sa fiu mama ;))

11. Cum iţi merge în viaţă?
R: Janis Joplin - Summertime
de-ar fi numai vara...dar in principal am parte de momente frumoase, nu ma pot plange

12. Ce melodie ţi se va cânta la înmormântare?
R: Bob Marley - No woman, no cry
cat de cruuuuuud!!!!!!!

13. Cum te vede restul lumii?
R: Soul Control - Chocolate
hmm....nice....

14. Vei avea o viaţă fericită?
R: Livin Blues - I`m a rambler
=))))) asta ar trebui sa ma puna pe ganduri?

15. Ce cred prietenii cu adevărat despre tine?
R: Ciara feat Missy Eliott - 1, 2 step
asta nu stiu sa zic, dar melodia asta e incredibila pt dans :D

16. Sunt persoane care te doresc în secret?
R: Sir Mix-A-Lot - Baby got back
ou mai gos =))))))

17. Cum să mă fericesc singur?
R: Fatboy Slim - The joker
mie personal, intrebarea mi se pare cretina...dar melodia care s-a nimerit nu e doar potrivita, e una din preferatele mele :X

18. Ce ar trebui să faci cu viaţa ta?
R: Allanah Myles - Black velvet
nu stiu ce ar trebui sa zic la asta, avand in vedere ca mie melodia imi inspira un singur lucru...unii stiu :P

Leapsa. Primita de la elle. Trimis mai departe lui Tikka, Pheephe, Alexandra. inca ma gandesc la altii doi

Fresh information

2008-03-25T00:22:00.003+02:00

Cum ma pot gandi eu la valorile vietii cand e 12 jumate deja, laptopul l-am stricat de dimineata si am de invatat toata noaptea si o saptamana non-stop ca sa recuperez la scoala? Mi se facuse dor de blog, de "gandurile si pense-urile" ;)) pe care le stocam aici, de ideea de a scrie din nou in miez de noapte, de fundalul cu buline, de mine insami. Am avut cele mai obositoare 2 saptamani de viata.
Prima a fost saptamana cu italienii :X cand ieseam in fiecare seara si dimineata si de cele mai multe ori si in timpul orelor...mi-e dor de italianul meu britanic, cu accent incredibil, ticuri verbale care spune ca "food is for eating..especially when there`s a girl next to you waiting to kiss you.." si apoi isi ia o guma ;)) de ochii lui albastri si de miile de complimente... so basically, traiesc ca sa-l mai vad o data... sa-mi fie ghid exclusiv pentru torino...
A doua saptamana nu o pot descrie clar, a trecut mult prea repede ca sa retin detalii. stiu ca am fost la dance masters, ca am flirtat cu dansatorii buni de pe ring, ca am facut febra musculara la tricepsi de la atatea stampile si batatura in palma de la prea multe sticle de cola. stiu ca au dansat cunoscuti de-ai mei si ca stateam cu sufletul la gura sa le urmaresc prestatia..doar ca ceva a fost ciudat...la o pereche...nu am simtit ce ma asteptam sa simt. In fiecare an ii astept sa danseze ca sa inteleg si eu ce inseamna dansul, sa imi definesc miscarile si conceptia in functie de pasii si mesajul lor. Anul acesta n-am simtit nimic...niciun sentiment...chiar au dansat prost, nu au intrat in sferturi..dar eu asteptam emotia...poate am avut asteptari prea mari, poate ca anul acesta ceva s-a schimbat, poate ca nu mai vad eu lucrurile la fel...cert e ca simt ca sunt pe cont propriu. Ca trebuie sa ma descopar singura pana anul viitor, cand evident, astept emotia.
Am tinut campania cu discriminarea. Chiar mi se pare incredibil cati copii -in adevaratul sens al cuvantului- sunt rasisti si superficiali. O singura clasa am avut foarte open minded care m-a ajutat sa-mi prezint materialele, au venit cu argumente si mi-au gasit si slogan. Acum ca toate s-au terminat (in afara de testul la bio de maine si testul la mate de miercuri) mi-am gasit alte visuri care sa ma duca mai departe. Vreau sa plec la Stockholm cu un proiect SC, vreau sa ajung la Torino, vreau sa imi gasesc partener (sub 30 ani), vreau sa-mi traiesc povestea de iubire, vreau sa imi dau examenul de motor.

Fostul meu viitor editorial

2008-01-26T00:33:00.000+02:00

-fragment-

Azi dimineata nu m-as fi sculat nici batuta. De fapt, cine s-ar scula la ora 5 jumate a.m. in conditiile in care nu vine niciun mos (Craciun sau Nicolaie), nu pleci in lume cu persoana iubita si nici nu iti bombardeaza nimeni casa (doamne fereste!). Ei bine, eu la 6 a.m asteptam metroul in statie. Am avut privilegiul de a participa la Carnavalul Copiiilor, un eveniment anual organizat de Salvati Copiii Romania. Si numai datorita lor si a copiiilor din centru mi-am dat seama ca in viziunea lor am totul, ca sunt nimeni pentru mine, dar “doamna” pentru ei si ca pot sa fac un trenulet cu 50 de copiii in spate pe o melodie O-zone.
Toata treaba asta m-a facut sa ma gandesc la viata mea, la cum interpretez eu lucrurile: fericirile si esecurile. Si mi-am dat seama ca sunt o visatoare. Adica pe langa viata fericita pana la adanci batraneti alaturi de barbatul pe care il iubesc si droaia de copii sanatosi-dorinte pe care o sa le amplific un pic mai incolo-, vreau sa-mi termin liceul si sa urmez o facultate (poate doua...), visez sa-mi gasesc un job care sa-mi placa si care sa mi se potriveasca, sa-i ajut in continuare pe copii si sa fiu fericita. (Evident, am sarit peste dorintele arzatoare de moment, cum ar fi sa iau 10 la mate sau sa imi gasesc tricoul verde). Dar ce am invatat pana in acest punct al vietii mele este ca sunt singura persoana care imi poate implini visele.

"2008, here i come"

2007-12-31T01:41:00.000+02:00

Este 31 decembrie ora 1:41 am. Ultima zi din acest an, ultima zi de pregatiri pentru 2008. In 12 ore va fi un alt an si eu stau in pat cu lumina stinsa si ma gandesc ca e ultima noapte din 2007 in care mai dorm asa in culcusul meu. Mi-am facut multe sperante pentru anul care vine si sper sa realizez cat mai multe din infinitele mele dorinte. Totusi, se prevede un an destul de bun. 2+0+0+8=10, 1+0=1. Nu sunt fanatica, ci pur si simplu 1 poate fi interpretat in multe feluri: locul 1 la un concurs, unicitate, singuratate sau sufletul pereche, putin sau primul. Mie 1 imi sugereaza alb. Vreau sa fiu o persoana mai buna, sa ma ocup mai mult de ceilalti, sa iubesc, sa imi gasesc partener la dansuri, sa particip si la a 3a editie a Balului Vienez, sa am parte de un sweet sixteen minunat, sa ma bucur de prietenii mei si sa rad din toata inima ori de cate ori am ocazia. Vreau sa ajung sa fiu femeia pe care mi-o doresc cu adevarat. Sa fiu eu si sa ma bucur de fiecare clipa. Asta imi doresc cel mai mult de la 2008. Sa imi daruiasca fiecare clipa.

"Muca"

2007-12-15T23:01:00.000+02:00

A trecut ceva vreme de cand nu am mai scris, dar, pentru ca avem o relatie de o luna si un pic, ma gandeam ca ar fi momentul sa va fac cunostiinta cu prietena mea cea mai intima, ''Muca". Muca, este jurnalul meu. dar este mult mai mult decat un simplu jurnal, este c confidenta si o sfatuitoare in acelasi timp, chiar daca este vorba de un document word. Am sa extrag cateva citate semnificative, ca sa intelegeti mai bine legatura puternica dintre noi.

* "Ti-am gasit un nume. Vei fi Muca. Nu stiu cum iti suna tie, dar mie imi place, mi se pare interesant, original. Plus ca o sa fii fata, ca sa evitam riscul de a ma indragosti de tine. Stii ca eu mereu ma indragostesc de cine nu trebuie. Te sarut, Muca. Noapte buna. A, si daca ai vrea sa fii baiat, nu e o problema. Muca poate fi si nume de baiat." (3-decembrie-2006)

* "Am dat un raspuns delicat, frumos, i-am spus ca sunt fericita. Sunt? Nici eu nu mai stiu. Stiu, insa, ca nu pot gasi perfectiunea intr-o relatie si de asta incerc sa il plac asa cum e. dar oare fac bine? Oare exista ceea ce caut eu? Ar trebui sa caut in continuare sau sa ma multumesc cu ce primesc de la soarta. Viata merge pe drumul ei. Sa il urmez sau s-o iau pe aratura? Sa risc ce am si sa merg la voia intamplarii? Cred ca asta e singura modalitate de a invata sa te bucuri de micile placeri ale vietii. Un drum simplu, fara suisuri si coborasuri ar duce imediat la monotonie. Ar fi o scurtatura pe care nu as vrea sa o iau. Eu am nevoie de zile lungi, pline de evenimente care mai de care mai bizare, in care haosul domneste, fara momente de liniste(pentru asta imbatranesti)." (4-decembrie-2006)

* " Il iubesc. Acum sunt sigura de asta. E minunat sa iubesti. Asa imi dau si eu seama ce inseamna sa faci totul din iubire. Sa simti ca oricat de rau ti-ar merge si orice probleme nasoale ai avea, exista cineva pentru care uiti de tot zi zambesti. Zambesti cu gura larg deschisa, ochii pierduti in zare si oftezi puternic. Acel cineva iti insenineaza fiecare dimineata pentru ca tu sa iti incepi ziua gandindu-te la el. Evident, faci asta toata ziua, iar seara incerci sa te abtii sa-I trimiti un mesaj prin care sa-I declari dragostea eterne pe care o simti pentru a-ti pastra demnitatea, aerul misterios si flirtul dintre voi. Imi place sa ma simt asa." (28-februarie-2007)

* "Ma simt ca o pshiopata, desi teoretic, n-am de unde sa stiu cum se simte una, din moment ce eu nu sunt o psihopata." (8-iunie-2007)

"Leapsa"

2007-12-12T22:18:00.000+02:00

BEST

1. Male friend: Liviu, Mugur
2. Female friend: Catalina, Sally
3. Vacation: valcea 2006
4. Age: so far, so good
5. Memory: 15 februarie 2007

WORST

1. Time of day: trezirea
2. Day of the week: sambata
3. Food: paste cu zahar
4. Memory: in masina, la tara

LAST

1. Person you saw: vecina de la 5
2. Person you talked to on the phone: Steluta de la Salvati Copiii
3. Hugged: Sally
4. Text messaged: Liviu
5. IM: pheephee

YESTERDAY

1.What did you do: ieri....pai ieri m-am trezit cu febra...am baut cafeaua cu simina...m-am dus la scoala....am luat un 6 la mate (damn).....am facut poze pentru editorial.....apoi am fost cu liviu in visinica....am trecut pe la sala....si acasa, inapoi la febra
2. Who were you with: cu foarte multa lume...colegi, prieteni, parinti...necunoscuti...
3. Bad/Good day: o zi foarte semnificativa pentru mine
4. Lose something: timp, mereu pierd timp cu chestii inutile
5. Fall out with someone: nu

TODAY

1. What are you doing now: decupez bilete pentru concertul caritabil cu colinde
2. Today in general: teza la mate...asta cam spune totul...plus telefonul din metrou..
3. Wearing: camasa mea de noapte cu vacuta :P
4. What did you eat for lunch: guma...orbit alb, pastila..
5. Better than yesterday: conceptia mea despre viata...plus ca am scapat de teza la mate :)))

TOMORROW

1. Is: Joi
2. Got any plans: ma duc sa-mi iau scutirile maine dimineata de la centru....desi trebuia sa meet pheephee la coffee....(ups)...apoi scoala(test la logaritmi-shit)....apoi ma duc la trainingul anual al voluntarilor la Salvati...apoi liviu sau casa
3. Getting lucky: dubios indeed fif
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: ma trezesc devreme....dau test la mate...sunt racita cobza si trebuie sa ma dau jos din pat...
5. Do you have work: ...mda...?!

FAVORITES

1. Number: 12
2. Song: Louis Armstrong- What a wonderful world
3. Colour: verde
4. Season: toamna
5. State: Reoublica Cuba

CURRENTLY

1. With someone: ...hmm...seeing someone...
2. Missing someone: bunicii
3. Mood: ...ill mood se poate?...daca nu, atunci sunt excited
4. Wanting: realizare...in viata si in tot..

Trimis lui Pheephee de Irina. Si mie de Pheephee.

"Magia exista"

2007-12-05T10:10:00.000+02:00

Magic e primul sarut. Magica e expresia de pe chipul unui copil cand deschide cadourile de sub brad. Magica e ideea de plecat in Cuba si miile de ganduri care imi fulgera mintea cand rostesc asta. Magic e tot ceea ce tine de prietenii tai adevarati. Magic e tot ceea ce te face sa razi din toata inima sau macar sa zambesti. Toata lumea e magica daca stii sa o observi. Trebuie sa stii sa deschizi ochii la magia de langa tine. Trebuie doar sa vezi cum toti ridica baghetele spre tine si sa le zambesti. Nu o sa cauti dulelul, dar o sa faci reverenta. Magia nu e o abilitate pe care o ai sau nu. Este o atitudine, o reactie, un bonus la ceea ce esti, daca stii sa o gasesti. Cand eram mica incercam sa mut obiecte cu privirea. Asta credeam eu ca e magia. Acum mi-am dat seama ca pot intr-adevar sa fac magie cu privirea. Dar nu consta deloc in miscarea obiectelor, ci a sentimentelor. Am observat ca pot sa trezesc sau sa-mi exprim niste sentimente doar prin privirea mea. Si asta e magie. Magia mea.

"maturizare vs luminite"

2007-12-01T13:28:00.000+02:00

Nu stiu ce s-a intamplat in ultimul timp de am ajuns sa nu-mi mai vad viitorul. Eu sunt o persoana destul de optimista si visatoare in adancul meu, dar acum am ajuns sa nu mai visez lucruri marete. Adica, pana de curand viata mea nu ea atat de aglomerata, asa ca imi permiteam sa astept un moment-mai mult sau mai putin semnificativ-cu sufletul la gura. Acum insa, pentru ca se intampla toate atat de repede, nu am mai avut timp sa constientizez nimic, pur si simplu las lucrurile sa vina de la sine, ceea ce e extrem de placut uneori. Esti pusa fata in fata cu niste situatii pe care nu le-ai mai intalnit si pe care nu le-ai gandit in prealabil si te minunezi chiar si tu de ce reactii ajungi sa ai. Cineva mi-a spus ca tot fenomentul asta se numeste "maturizare". Nu stiu daca asa e sau nu, dar stiu sigur ca e o schimbare in viata mea. Ma simt mai libera, mai spontana, sunt mai fericita. Poate cei care trec si ei sau au trecut prin asta o sa inteleaga mai bine. Restul, nici nu va rog sa intelegeti. Ma duc sa vad luminitele. De-acum.

"barbatul ideal"

2007-11-27T10:33:00.001+02:00

de cate ori nu ne-am gandit sau am fost intrebate de barbatul ideal? ei bine, eu nici nu mai imi aduc aminte de cate ori. ideea e ca un barbat, ca sa treaca de la simplul statut de barbat, la barbatul ideal trebuie doar sa avanseze prin prisma ta. adica, mai clar, trebuie sa te faca sa ajungi sa-l iubesti. ca doar n-o sa spui ca sotul vecinei de la 4 e barbatul visurilor tale. (decat daca te-ai indragostit de el si aici revenim in situatie initiala. e un cerc al conceptiei). daca intrebi un barbat cum vede femeia ideala, fara doar si poate iti va raspunde instinctiv: blonda(duhh!!), supla, cu sanii mari(care cred ca vin in pachet cu parul), ochi mari, albastrii si aici se opresc toti. n-o sa-ti zica niciunul ca vor o tipa inteligenta, dar si sexy, amuzanta, spontana. sau poate doar barbatul meu ideal. el vrea o femeie atipica, spontana, subtila, care sa stie sa gateasca, amuzanta si cu care sa se poata intelege din priviri. n-am sa spun daca sunt eu tipa pe care o cauta, dar el e barbatul pe care in vreau. si nu e nici inalt si chipes, plin de muschi si fara dinti, nici blond, cret cu ochii albastrii si sensibil ca o petala de floare. e amuzant si subtil, lucrat atat cat trebuie, are niste ochi in care te pierzi si un zambet dragut. (oricum, eu cred ca toti oamenii sunt superbi cand rad). stie sa ma faca sa zambesc si atunci cand sunt trista, sa ma duca la film si sa mancam floricele chiar si atunci cand mi-e greata, sa-mi ia toate grijile cu o privire. totusi, ma intorc la realitatea mea, in salajan, unde imi am domiciliul si las toate visele si aspiratiile pentru mine. sau nu.

"saptamana 47"

2007-11-24T18:04:00.000+02:00

hmmm....ultima saptamana a fost o totala amestecatura de evenimente si sentimente din viata mea. cand ma gandesc la saptamana trecuta nici nu am ceva clar in minte. imi aduc aminte de bal, unde urlat (alaturi de suie), am fumat, am flirtat, am dansat...nimic mai mult, de chiulul de luni si valea regilor-sally incerca cu disperare sa fie subtila, de filmul de marti-Ultima legiune, de Catalina si potentialul filmu-si acum regret, daca citesti, de ai mei, joi nu mai stiu ce am facut, de vineri si de ziar, de market8, de bowling, de razvan si de telefonul din tramvai, care mi-a limpezit mintea si m-a adus la starea mea normala de paranoia. multumesc tuturor celor care imi fac viata palpitanta.
*acum fac un paragraf separat special pentru treaba cu ziarul.
pentru necunoscatori, prietena mea cea mai buna a pus bazele unui ziar in liceul nostru-desi exista revista "sperante" inca din 47 ;;) si vineri a fost concursul pentru jurnalisti. au facut articole pe teme diverse si ramane acum ca noi-subalternii ei si cu ea- sa selectam tinerele condeie pentru redactia noastra. dar partea cea mai interesanta despre catalina si ziarul la care voiam sa ajung, este ca de fiecare data cand aduci vorba despre ziar si despre cum o sa fie si ce mai trebuie sa facem, nu se uita imediat la tine...se opreste o fractiune de secunda, se gandeste si ii apare zambetul pe fata (si articulez pentru ca e vorba de un anumit zambet, de nedescris, ca "the look") si prima replica pe care ti-o da inainte sa perceapa intrebarea sau afirmatia ta este: "Facem ziarul mai!!!!!!!!!" pe un ton intre suav si iritant. Oricum e incredibila, ii sclipesc ochii cand vorbeste de el si si-l doreste ca nimeni altcineva in liceul asta. imi place de ea cand e asa.( si sincera sa fiu, si mie imi surade ideea asta, mai ales ca detronam "sperante".)

"Ce naiba e o pauza?"

2007-11-21T01:15:00.000+02:00

Pauza prin definitie e incetarea unei activitati in favoarea unei scurte recreeri sau unei alte activitati mai putin solicitante. In viata reala, e vorba de foarte multe tipuri de pauze: pauza de cafea, pauza de la scoala, pauza de relatie. Cand e cazul sa iei o pauza intr-o relatie? Cand simti ca ceva nu mai merge si vrei sa repari sau cand vrei sa-i pui capat si pauza e doar un fel de preaviz? Si daca nu te faci inteles cu respectiva pauza? Tu vrei sa insemne o perioada de reflectare in care sa-ti subliniezi punctul de vedere, dar ajunge sa fie doar un mod de a-l indeparta pe cel pe care il iubesti. Si nu ai vrut asta. Cum dai inapoi? Mai poti da inapoi? Ai vrea sa stergi totul cu mana si sa dispara: momentul certei, definirea pauzei si bucati din indurarea ei.
Dar nu poti. Asa ca ce faci? Stai si iti plangi de mila in timp ceasul ticaie fiecare secunda si se incalca toate principiile mentionate la articolul cu clipa...? Ce rost mai are o pauza? Mai bine te lamuresti tu care-i treaba si il anunti si pe celalalt la scurt timp dupa asta si terminam cu toate pauzele. Nu e mai usor asa? Sau preferam sa suferim si sa ne facem sange amar din propria incatatanare?

"step up"

2007-11-17T16:57:00.000+02:00

Tocmai am vazut "Step up" pe HBO (de vreo 2 saptamani am devenit HBOfreak). Un film incredibil de tare despre viata si valorile ei si despre dans. Atat ca arta cat si ca forma de exprimare. M-a facut sa-mi aduc aminte ce inseamna dansul, de fapt, pentru mine. Nu e doar o coregrafie muncita sau nu din greu, in care simti sau nu muzica si care te dezvolta fizic mai mult sau mai putin. Dansul e un stil de viata. Dansul defineste cine esti. Ca dansator vezi lumea cu alti ochi. La incalzire esti inca plin de autobronzant, sclipici si unghii false. Porti rochii cu paiete si pantofi din saten. Dar cand ai intrat pe ring parca pasesti intr-o alta lume. Simti ritmul cum bate in tine si exteriorizezi ceea ce simti cum stii tu mai bine: prin dans. In momentele alea zambesti din toata inima si te misti dupa ritmul inimii in speranta ca esti cel mai bun. Chiar crezi asta cat esti pe ring. Si asta te face campion. Abia cand iesi de pe ring iti dai seama cat esti de vlaguit si unde ai gresit si nu mai ai stare pana nu se afiseaza rezultatele. Poti sa nu fi trecut mai departe, dar daca iti vezi numele pe lista...nu pot descrie. E o senzatie de neimginat. Iti trece toata oboseala si esti gata de runda urmatoare. E incredibil ce efect poate avea o jumatate de foaie lipita cu scoth ieftin pe o usa in viata unui dansator. E detaliul care face diferenta.

"Urmeaza"

2007-11-15T23:00:00.000+02:00

Starea mea de spirit in momentul de fata e de nedescris. Mi s-au deschis multe usi de-a lungul timpului, dar acum mi s-a deschis cea mai importanta. Usa care duce spre locul unde voiam sa ajung cel mai mult. Sa intru acolo si sa-mi las amprenta, sa-mi impregnez parfumul si sa ma cuibaresc la caldura. Sa simt iubirea direct de la sursa. Sa iubesc direct sursa. Sunt plina pana la refuz de sentimente tumultoase. Imi vine sa rad, sa plang, sa tip la lume sa stie. Pentru ca sunt fericita. Si totusi, in aceasta explozie de dorinta si anexiatate, mi-e frica sa nu gresesc cumva. Sa nu fiu la inaltimea asteptarilor sau sa calc stramb. Dar banuiesc ca fara aceste temeri nu as putea sa ma bucur de ce urmeaza. Pentru ca urmeaza, sa stiti. Vreau sa stie lumea intreaga. O sa ma lupt cu rutina, cu mine, cu societatea, dar o sa inving. Pentru ca asta e tot ceea ce conteaza pentru mine acum. Si pentru asta zambesc tamp in metrou in drum spre scoala. Ca sa stie lumea intreaga.

"underground tango"

2007-11-14T03:35:00.000+02:00

melodia lui Bregovich ma face sa tremur de placere. am stins veioza si acum e bezna. nu vad decat lumina de la lap. ma unduiesc pe cele mai stilate acorduri pe care le-am auzit pana acum si imi pot imagina...

...o scena de amor. care incepe intr-o noapte cu ceata sub un pod din piatra. ea se aseaza pe o treapta rece si il asteapta. simte tristete, dorinta, durere. se simte murdarda cand e de fapt prea pura. il simte cum se apropie. buze umezite o saruta usor pe gat si o mana ii atinge pantecele. ea suspina si se lasa purtata de dorinta. el o intoarce pentru a-i putea vedea sclipirea ochilor in lumina lunii si o saruta pasional pe buze. ea raspunde. frigul de afara nu mai conteaza. ei simt doar caldura corpurilor lor. el ii dezveleste umerii catifelati si incepe sa-i dezmierde. ea ii simte pulsul cu limba ei suava. se opresc putin si se privesc. iubirea lor calca orice obstacol. au ajuns aici. doar ei doi, singuri sub pod, intr-o toamna tarzie, in mijlocul noptii. el se aseaza pe trepte, o ia in brate si se contopesc. danseaza in ritmuri de tango. tremura la atingerea extazului si fiori le cuprind tot corpul. se privesc iar. tangoul inca se aude pe fundal, iar ei asteapta rasaritul tinandu-se strans in brate. coregrafia a fost savarsita si acum pregatesc reverenta. ea face piruiete in ringul povestii lor iar el se apleaca in fata daruirii ei.

"a fact"

2007-11-12T09:53:00.000+02:00

Iubirea este o maligna a creierului. Cu care traiesti sub presiune, dar fara de care esti tampit. Simplu. Trebuie sa iubesti ca sa poti respira. Respiri ca sa iti oxigenezi trupul. Iti oxigenezi trupul ca sa nu mori. Nu mori pentru ca te iubesti pe tine. Si asta e dragoste neconditionata. Asadar, iubesti pentru tine. Iubesti pentru a-ti salva viata.

"Un mare gol"

2007-11-12T00:11:00.000+02:00

(toamna 2005)

Asta simt eu acum. O gaura imensa in sufletul meu. Iubirea mea s-a rupt de acolo. Am fost parasita. Inselata. Schimbata. Nu mai simt nimic acum. Nici cald, nici rece, nici sete, nici foame, nici somn, nici viata. Ma uit in gol la orice imi atrage atentia. Lacrimi curg pe obrazul meu fara sa le dau voie. As vrea sa urlu, sa ma zbat, sa dau cu pumnii, din picioare, sa ma razbun....dar nu pot. Tot ce pot face e sa accept lacrimile care imi curg fara voie sau sentiment pe obraz. E ca o ploaie. O sa treaca repede. Sper. Pentru ca nu mai pot sa ma bucur. Si as vrea sa visez din nou, sa zambesc si sa o iau de la capat, dar mi-e frica. Nimic nu va mai fi la fel. Am pierdut. Cum o sa pot sa-l mai privesc fara sa ma afund din nou in abisul albastru al ochilor lui? Cum o sa-mi incep fiecare dimineata stiind ca zambetul lui e pentru alta acum? Nu l-am mai vazut niciodata asa pana acum. O iubeste si ma bucur pentru fericirea lui. Dar cum sa nu ma doara pe mine cand sclipirea lui nu mai reprezinta visele mele implinite ci emotia lui pentru ea? Cum sa imi continui eu viata, daca s-a rupt o mare parte din ea? El era epitetul si eu eram metafora.

"timpul nu sta in loc - traieste clipa"

2007-11-12T00:08:00.000+02:00

Iar e o ora neportivita pentru a scrie. Nici seara nici noapte, in niciun caz dimineata sau zi. E un moment din viata mea in care nu traiesc clipa, ci imi amintesc clipa. Sau mai bine zis-clipele. Ma gandesc la cate am facut, dar si la cate as mai fi putut face, la cei pe care ii iubesc sau p care i-as fi putut iubi, la ce este viata mea acum si la ce ar fi putut fi.

"Like a friend-Blue"

2007-11-09T23:59:00.000+02:00

I never had anybody treat me quite like you do
I love your honesty.
We met, we clicked, we shared a vibe that was true
And it was plain to see, it was plain to see.

I did not want to face the truth
You said you had a girl
And you were so in love with her and nobody else

What do you do when someone don`t love you
They show you all their feelings like you`re a fiend
What dou you say when things don`t go your way
And you`re frozen in a picture like you`re a friend.

I don`t want to be your friend, no way.

When i was trapped i was deppendant on you
And there was no escape
I was a fool to think that i was the one,
I let you criticize everything i done.

I did not want to face the truth
You said you had girl
And you were
so in love with her and nobody else

What do you do when someone don`t love you
They show you all their feelings like you`re a fiend
What do you say when things don`t go your way
And you`re frozen in a picture

Like you`re a friend.

But i know i can`t have you
And i can`t live without you
But i guess i can have it my way
For the love you`re not feeling
My heart is still beating
Boy, how can you treat me this way??

What do you do when someone don`t love you
They show you all their feelings like you`re a fiend
What dou you say when things don`t go your way
And you`re frozen in a picture like you`re a friend.

Just like a friend...
No more friends.

"Am nevoie de o confirmare"

2007-11-07T00:48:00.000+02:00

Pot spune despre mine ca sunt o fire foarte nehotarata. Imi ia o fractiune de secunda sa hotarasc ce vreau sa fac, dar imi ia ceva vreme sa imi dau seama ce vreau de fapt. Cu toate astea, eu tot nu vreau sa accept ca viata mea e atat de intortocheata. Ar trebui sa pot trage o concluzie inca de pe randul 4, dar eu sunt inca in faza de negare. Tot mai cred ca intr-o buna zi, lucrurile o sa se simplifice, gandurile mele o sa se indiviualizeze si o sa devina clare. Ca nu o sa mai fiu pusa nicodata in situatia de a alege cand nu pot si de a actiona impulsiv, de teama sa nu pierd ceea ce am deja. Si aici intru deja in alta tema. Eu consider ca traiesti pe pamantul asta doar ca sa incerci sa treci de fiecare clipa fara regrete. Si asa clipa cu clipa, pas cu pas, amintire cu amintire, incerci sa faci tot ce-ti sta in putiinta pentru a nu avea cu ce sa-ti incarci constiinta. Daca eu fac asa? Ei bine, nu prea. Desi imi doresc din tot sufletul, exista o persoana in fata careia m-am umplut de regrete si toate exact de teama de a nu pierde ce aveam construit pana atunci. Am avut mici indrazneli, sa le zicem rabufniri, ale personalitatii mele pentru ca eu, cea salbatica de dinauntrul meu, ar fi vrut sa riste totul, iar daca ar fi pierdut - sa se ascunda la loc in cochilie. Indraznelile mele au dus undeva, dar nici eu nu mai stiu unde. Cert e ca nu am pierdut nimic. Am castigat chair. Putin. Poate daca as fi facut mai multe as fi castigat mai multe. Dar daca as fi pierdut? Se pare ca asta n-o sa aflu niciodata, dar pana acum este singurul lucru pe care nu il regret deloc. Acum sper ca persoana fara de care formarea mea nu ar mai fi avut loc sa se prinda in curand si sa ma ajute in situatia asta. Pentru ca eu nu mai pot face inca un pas. Miscarile mele au ruginit. Am nevoie de o confirmare. De siguranta si protectie. Si asta pot gasi sigur acolo unde caut, daca mi se deschide usa.

"cinema-cerul"

2007-11-03T00:35:00.000+02:00

Ma uit la stele. Abia acum imi dau seama ca asta este cel mai frumos lucru pe care ti l-a dat Dzeu sa-l privesti. Cerul. O entitate absoluta. Un abis in care iti scufunzi privirea si se reflecta ganduri. Ganduri de mult uitate sau proaspete de nici nu stiai. Ma uit la cer acum de parca as fi la cinema. Viata intreaga mi se deruleza in fata ochilor. Si cum imi plimb privirea de la o stea la alta imi amintesc diferite momente ale vietii mele de pana acum. Momente de rascruce sau lipsite de importanta, alaturi de prieteni ori familie sau singura cu Muca, de bucurie sau tristete, de reusite sau de greseli. Si totu-mi pare ca intr-un vis. Un film pe care l-am vazut de mii de ori cu regret sau anxietate si pe care as vrea sa-l mai vad inca de atatea ori. E placut sa te gandesti la cate ai realizat in viata si nu cate ti-au mers prost, cate persoane ti-au zambit dupa ce le-ai oferit ajutorul si nu cate au plans ca le-ai refuzat, la cat insemni pentru cineva si nu la cate persoane te urasc. Dar exista si jumatatea goala a paharului. Oameni se uita urat spre tine, plang dupa tine, te urasc sau chiar tanjesc sa fie ca tine. Traim intr-o lume in care nimeni nu-ti mai spune cat te apreciaza, cat te considera de amabil sau respectuos, dar la cea mai mica scapare a ta ti se reproseaza toate greselile de care stiai, cele pe care nu credeai ca le ai facut si inca cateva pe care nici nu le-ai fi inclus la domeniul tau de activitate. Traim intr-o societate ipocrita in care barna din ochi nu mai este tabu ci obisnuinta.

"O"

2007-11-02T23:59:00.000+02:00

O viata. O sansa. O mare iubire. O prima sarutare. O singura decizie. O singura traire.
Nu poti spune ca in fiecare zi termini liceul sau ca in fiecare saptamana iti schimbi job-ul. Cine a zis "traieste clipa" a avut mare dreptate, iar cine chiar aplica asta e un om mare. E usor- si poate ca multi dintre noi fac asta- sa zici "de maine...". Dar daca nu o sa mai fie maine? Daca azi e ultima zi ce ti-a fost scrisa? O singura viata ai. Timpul nu sta in loc. Trebuie sa sa faci tot ce poti pentru a fii fericit. Pentru ca daca nu iti faci tu viata mai placuta, atunci cine sa o faca pentru tine? Tu esti singurul tau prieten si dusman. O singura aspiratie. O singura dorinta. Fiecare dintre noi avem visul nostru. Tot ce trebuie sa facem e sa credem. Ca tot ce ne dorim putem obtine. Nu ma refer aici la lucruri materiale si nici la dragoste. Aici intervine liberul arbitru si soarta. Eu cred in soarta intr-o oarecare masura. (plus ca e mai usor sa dai vina pe soarta cand ceva nu ti-a iesit bine). O singura clipa. Asta e cel mai important. Nu poti retrai acelasi moment de doua ori in viata. De cele mai multe ori nici nu ne dam seama cat inseamna "o clipa" si totusi, fiecare clipire e decisiva in viata noastra. Alegi viitorul. Toate schimbarile majore din viata ta se intamla intr-o clipa. Nu pe o perioada de timp. Intr-un moment. Asa ca ai de luat o decizie in fiecare clipa a vietii tale si nici macar nu esti constient de asta mereu. Vrei sa ajungi cineva, sa ai o familie si sa traiesti fericit pana la adanci batraneti, dar totul se poate sfarsi intr-o clipa. Viata ofera o multime de posibilitati. Tu alegi cum vrei sa fie. Intr-o clipa.